IRRESISTIBLE

My thumb is strolling thru the screen

I suddenly feel that something is not right

I can't resist but to think how it should be

But the things is,   

I doubt

Uncertain 

either it is not right or it's just me who feel that way

It's just in my mind and based on my own perspective 

I'm not sure if anyone else felt the same 

The ambience we are having in social media is really something

Nothing become accustomed until we made one

It makes me think on how we should deal with it,

wait..

It is not how we should deal with it

But how we should deal with ours self towards it instead

I think we should take care of our emotional state as well

Don't put others in hard situation 

Untie yourself from petty little things that is not crucial

If I got a chance to utter some random thoughts lingering in my head, I would say....

Numbers of the 'likes' and 'comments' on your latest photo is just a part of gesture so don't think about it too much 

I hope that the length of wishes I sent does not define the size of my heart 

Don't take into your heart if you are not invited for a hang out session, just let it slide

I won't count my acquaintances who come during my day as I fully trust another's commitment 

It's okay if u don't get me a gift because I never expect anything 

In order to put our heart at ease, we sometimes need to

"Take it easy"

At last,

We are the one who can comfort our self.

ARISE

 This is definitely,

NOT your favorite appreciation post 

Just an introspection of a birthday girl who think she owed others in life

I would have written this long time ago but

I think it's the perfect time to pour it down into words

I would like to spare a second to say this to all my camaraderie

Whoever had put food on my table, 

fed me when i'm hungry or anyone who asked me if i had eaten

Be it my family or buddy

A person who give me food deserve whole tenderness in this world

For those who ever asking if i'm doing fine when I'm totally not okay, 

u are one of a kind

u are not a mere human being but a wholesome cinnguu who can sense a whirlwind thru my calm face and my sudden absence 

I feel indebted if i could do nothing as less as make u smile a little brighter 

so please do a favor by letting me know your struggle as well

By that time only I can sleep well, knowing that i had carried out my duty as a 'friend' diligently

Thru out these blissful years, i'm far away from my families

I said thousand times to my roomie that the only things I want, 

is just spending more times with my parents

I would have enjoyed my mom's meal and helped out my dad with errands everyday 

but Allah brought me to whole new places and it what makes me ALIVE and unfold my self-growth 

Stepped out from my province, to gain knowledge and now, suddenly become an adult who earning for living

Yess i'm now indeed an adult

I'm not going to wait until i meet my sparring partner, only then realize how blissful I am

No. I'm not gonna do that

I need to start hammering in my head about how blissful i'm, 

every single day,

cause I wanna live in present

I'm not having a pristine life yet

That is basic

I hope my life turned that way too

but Buya Hamka once said that ..

'if our life always miserable, it'll be awful,

but, 

if you're having a life without a single test, then u will get bored."

Reading the quotes baffled me and I found my self smiling afterward.

BEWILDERED

as i wander lazily thru my twitter
i saw something appealing

that sneaker looks so sharp and dazzy
its grey-pink strike drives me crazy

suddenly the picture saved
along with my 4726 pictures in a 'screencapture' folder

the other day, i found it passed by my timeline again

what's wrong with my eyes
god
why did i need to see it repeatedly

but, this time,
i download that image to get a HD picture of it

so i was thinking
i don't have so many shoes
it comes with reasonable price oso

so
guess what?

i decided
not buying it

although it's tempting,

or

even it's for self-reward

didn't a captivating shoes design flattered my heart even a little?

am i walking away effortlessly without hesitation?

am i pretend not seeing
as it's invisible thru my naked eyes?

no.

i did fight in my inner self
i want it

but
the things is

i always thinking that
saving money for future is wayy more important

my brother once said
that i'm so mingy with my own self

at first i feel faze
but slowly nodded my head

I'm not sure
either living freely in present or
thinking about future saving is more vital here.

IMPRISON

I used to say..

"sorry for posting too much"

"sorry for fill your timeline with my memory"

"sorry that i need to share a lot as i still can't get enough of this"

But then, I realize that..

The moment I started to think about what other people will say about my posting, 

I already glued to other people's expectation. 

It's like I had trapped in a cage.

I can't do what my heart told me in order to be genuinely happy.

People nowadays seems to let other people see their Pandora Box, I did it too.

Is that wrong? I'll answer it later.

That box having kind of mystery thingy in there that nobody shud see but we sometimes flex it.

Our wise thinking, our view, our things, our personal belonging, our moments, our closest person, our job, our daily routine, our interest, what we eat, what we wear, our life journey.

Everything.

We shared everything.

But then....

I've come to realize that..

We 

have 

choice 

to 

post. 

So don't apologise for being YOU.

AND

People too, 

has 

choice 

to 

unfollow us. 

Don't feel guilty either. 

they can mute us if they found us disturbing.

there is no need to ensure everyone to 'LIKING' us for the way we are.

So there is no one's wrong here. This is my answer.

It's just the fact that we all have one thing called.....

CHOICE.

You have your choice.

They have theirs.

It's normall when people sort of thinking bout people's perception. There is no exception.

Me myself tied to it too. But most of the time, I choose to untie it and run as far as I could without hesitation. 

I stick to a point which I will always freely writing and sharing and 

I'm not responsible of what's in other people's mind on that.

.

..

.

I seldom take people's posting too seriously

In fact, 

exciting moment photo doesn't mean someone is happy

No one having idea about the real mess churning inside

Deep meaningful quote they shared doesn't reflect their stirred heart either

A friend of mine always share something that is not related to her feelings even an inch

Worth reading article they posted recently

seemed doesn't related to their freaking life AT ALL

They share when they found it's intriguing

Notice someone who looks friendly, cheesy and approachable person in social media?

Yet, they just passive and solemn when you meet them in person

It doesn't mean that someone is in despair, if they write 3 sad lines on their Instagram's stories

It will perish in 24 hours anyway

After all,

People will let public to see what they want public to see

We can't unsee them unless we unfollow them in the first place

We all got right to share our things publicly

And other people will just see it apparently, 

believe what they think is right 

and just

pass.

So mate,

If there is a something I keen to tell u, I will say...

We live once.

Do whatever you like.

Our heart is beating. We can do everything.

Don't let other people step on your mind and own it.

If you think that your sharing give u immerse joy,

it is the best things to do and

u found your heart at ease by sharing it, then why stop? 

Look forward your life in another 10 years . 

Will u happy seeing yourself trapped in cage in your past time?

So dont hold it back. Express it!