Flop

Psychologist said, if someone sleeps a lot,he is sad.
I don't realize what happen to me since yesterday.
I slept after fajr and woke up at noon.
I missed my dhuha prayer.
I cover my dhuha with reciting Al Quran before zuhur as I felt so guilty with my self.
I'm currently feel so sad .
Last night, I cried out loud ,on the prayer mat, I can't resist.
During making Du'a after solah, I burst into tears .
I cried like a baby.
It's like everything is poured out from the heavy and unbearable pain .
I told Allah, everything.
About what I felt these days.
I always thinking about the daily routine in office .
It stresses me out .
I always thinking that I'm useless.
I'm not capable of going further .
I spend 8 hours in office doing something I don't passionate about .
I keep facing the screen, finding solutions that lastly didn't help me at all.
I keep acting cool to not cry while in the office because of the endless lost and noob feeling of mine.
I always wondered.
Do I have to do that just because it is my part of journey?
Study, graduated, and work in industry.
Is it just because to be grateful for bless that Allah has given to me?
While other members didn't secure a job yet and I'm here already got job even before graduation day.
Is it the reason why I have to stay?
Or is it because to receive paycheck at the end of month for paying back ptptn, giving to parents ,sedeqah to the needy, spending on transport and food just for the sake of continuing life?
Or to contribute to jemaah with my skills and talents in IT which I lacked of ?
Is it because of all those reasons that I need to stay?
Is it because of that I need to keep myself strong and keep doing same routine in office, keep doing something that I'm not capable of doing, keep stressing myself out, keep pushing my limitation of problem solving, keeps feeling anxious everytime my boss follow me up regarding task given? Keep counting hours to go back home just to run from traumatic feeling? Keep avoiding seeing my laptop that I bring back home bcoz it triggered my stress feeling from work stuff?
I'm sooo not happy with this feeling
I'm not happy with this kind of work .
.
.
.
Then I realized, the answers of all those questions are Y. E. S.
I don't have choices.
This is path that Allah has planned for me.
All I need to do is embrace it, receive it and go with the flow .
I ask His forgiveness for being asking of fate that He have written for me.
I ask His guidance to lead my thoughts, words and acts for every single things that I do.
Redha and tawakkal.
Du'a is the best weapons .
Allah is the best listener.
He already have the solution before the problem comes.
How could I think that He will leave me just like that?
He's the one who write my story.
Put trust on Him and do my best even now, I'm not really happy.
As long as He redha of my life, then I'll be happy.