I'm enough

 

So several days ago was my birthday

So what's new?

Nothing much

That was first time in my life when I bought myself cakes for my own birthday!

hahhaa!

People might call me pathetic but I just don't care

My adik laughed at me and I laughed oso! 😂

I intentionally set my birth date in my Facebook from public to private

So no one gonna get notification for my birthday 

I have no rigid reason

Probably I just want to hide from getting overwhelm wishes

I just shy

Yes simply..shy

In the morning, I woke up with no wish from my family hahhaha

Yes cuz they can't see the notification in Facebook

This is exactly my family's ambience 

We rarely celebrate this kind of occasions and I'm totally okay with that

It's fun that only my closest friend WhatsApp me to wish, 

they probably remember or do they set reminder on their phone?

Whatever it takes, I'm so happy to received the wishes

Let's call it a day after I got a wish from important person in my life 💓

While washing the dishes I asked my mom, what day is today?

She said..."ahad la..."

I replied..."mak..hari ni hari jadi kami la" 

My mom came and asked if I'm serious and I laughed

I ask my mom, what cake she like to eat

Then I went to secret recipe and get my mom's favorite chocolate cake

Actually I did this in prior before others did

I don't want them to get those for me 

Last year my sister surprised me with a bouquet of Cadbury and cupcakes

So I worried that she might do the same this year cuz I don't want to bother anyone, 

as I dislike celebration and fancy surprised or anything related to it

I personally don't favor people sing birthday song and recording me cuz I feel as if I'm a kid 😅

It's fine back then when my friends did and I was enjoyed pranking and stuff 

When I'm getting older, I no longer wait people to celebrate my birthday

I learned to give myself present and treat other for meal instead

My friend said, it is a 'selflove' but I guess it is 'actual freedom'

This year, I constantly giving the best for my own self but not beyond my means

That is why didn't I expect anything from people around  me

However, I did received 3 birthday gifts this year which I think it is uncommon

Hahahah Alhamdulillah

I'm more than happy

I don't deserve their kindness

When I woke up in the morning of my birthday, 

I suddenly remembered what this world takes me along my 20++ years

But I don't feel like pouring it all here cuz it might take a week to finish 

plus there's nothing exceptional 

I'm living in my own simple life 

Having some ups and down moments 

So there is nothing much to share regarding my own journey

Someone I knew once questioned about a well-known young national author 

who write books of his own life, 

"why did that author wrote books about himself?

Is his life better than anyone else that he need to write about it for inspiration?'

Correct...everyone went to school, pass and failed during the exam and stuff, 

what makes his story soo different and special? 

My friend got his points! hahaha

I thought, the author just write and publish but if the books publication hit bullseyes 

and he then he got large fanbase because of that, what can we say?😂

It remind me of some people hate Taylor Swift for constantly writing songs 

about her own love relationship story 😆

And currently Lisa Blackpink also release her single, "Lalisa"

The lyrics goes like..."What's my name? What's my name?"

First time listened to that song, makes me wondered, is she being egomaniacal?

But when I listen to it repeatedly, why not?? Let her be 😆

After all, she did deserves the international recognition 

There is lover and haters, as it always be 

I mean we are living in a world of different audience with different perspective 

and it's fun to see such dynamic views who dislike this pattern

Some people probably see it as a blend of self-centered a.k.a narcissistic content 

but some of the audience seems having no issue accepting this kind of content 😄

By the way, talking about my own simple life, 

I do feel that..

not everything falls into places

But not everything is horrible either

I'm still the one who decided what to do, like I used to do

I usually took big decision on my own, even since teenager

What seems smooth and feel light in my heart considered the best for me

I'm not totally independent but that's how it happened like every freaking time

I kept my efforts and hurdles in silent and revealed the outcome once it all over

That probably become the reason why I did face some hard time accepting people's criticism 

cause some people are absent most of the time but once I spoke the my final word, 

they suddenly appear with their unwanted opinion 😅

Giving opinion is oookay as it is a 'caring' gesture and I appreciate 💓

But it just about the timing 

I notice that I don't really care what people said anymore

Yes, sometimes it stirred my heart and feeling offended is normal

But I choose to ignore even though it's not easy

At first I was thinking, getting a high amount of salary, 

affording a car, a house and everything is the level of success of an adult

Is it?

I heard people said that we cannot succeed in a comfort zone

Is it?

It is funny when u are just happy with bare minimum in your life

You are not that rich or having fancy life but you just simply comfy and happy

But suddenly outsider said..

"you are sitting in a comfort zone, u should move to be happier and more success"

Why should I?

Just tell me why should I follow? 😆

I was exhausted of chasing the glory and expectations

just let me breath a little bit longer

I will move when I feel like moving 

As far now, I'm embracing

There is no meaningless pain and wasted tears

Every phase has a story to tell

My previous phases of life probably just quarter of what life will take me ahead

I might not reaching an ultimate life goals yet 

Sometimes I couldn't help but crying all of sudden even in the current moment

Crying is a love language

It means that u just being tolerate and be good to your own self

You allow yourself to feel the heartbreak, loneliness and emptiness

But when u woke up another day, U feel a lot better

I should admit that,

with a touch of God's mercy.....

I'm 

enough.