Kedewasaan

So entry kali ini, agak bebas.

Kalau sakit mata, jangan baca sebab aku tak mau bertanggungjawab dengan unpleasant feeling dari orang2 perfectionist sebab entry ni mengandungi ayat bersepah, punctuation mark yang berterabur, campuran bahasa dan ditulis dengan tema:

Muntahkan Apa Ada Nya.

Bertepatan dengan lara yang menimpa aku hari ini yang mengakibatkan otak aku sedikit ting tong bersama sisa hati yang masih bersedih tapi masihhh..masihhh ada hati nak menulis.

Sebab ilham tu tiba2 datang dan tiba2 terjadi penulisan yang panjang walau sakit mata memandang ayat yang lintang pukang.

Moving on..

* tarik nafas, pejam mata, tajdid niat..dan ...bismillah....

So hari ni,

aku nak share pasal....

.

.

.

.

Dewasa.

Apa yang aku faham tentang menjadi dewasa?

Dewasa ialah tentang..

Toleransi.

Kita belajar untuk avoid small scene terasa2 hati.

Lupakan kesalahan kecik orang yang rapat ngan aku dengan ingat, yang aku pun pernah buat orang terasa, dan perangai tak semenggah tapi kawan aku boleh ja tolerate. Kenapa aku tak boleh?

Tolak ansur dan beralah tu perlu dalam certain situasi.

Dewasa ialah tentang..

Memaafkan.

Dalam sesuatu keadaan yang menjengkelkan, di mana seseorang tiba2 moody dan buat perangai dan menyakitkan hati aku, kenapa aku pulak yang kena leraikan keadaan tegang tu.

Bukan kah aku patut merajuk, terasa dan mengadu kat orang lain pasal tu? Kenapa aku tak bertindak jadi api balik?

Dalam keadaan yang mana aku sepatutnya marah ini, aku tiba2 ambik keputusan untuk...

“let it go”.

Maafkan dia..

walaupun

dia

tak

minta

maaf

pun.

Entah kenapa aku rasa aku sangat 'kuat' setiap kali aku mampu buat macam tu.

Let it go bukan senang, tapi tak mustahil.

Sebab even aku menang dalam argument tu pun, hubungan akan terjejas lama2 renggang. Tak elok, bukan?

Dewasa ialah tentang..

Sabar dan husnuzon.

Aku pemarah

Perkara yang trigger kemarahan aku adalah bila sesuatu keadaan tu ada kaitan dengan:

Delay

Lambat

Tunggu

Common sense

Orang tak faham aku

Haha. Sungguh lemah aku ni, bukan?

Aku memang jenis cepat marah.

Bila aku marah, aku tend to be immature.

Aku tuding jari ke ‘dia’, ‘kau’ dan ‘mereka’.

Dulu, zaman univerisiti, tahun 1, aku kena buat esaimen programming. Aku mintak sorang kawan baik aku ajar kan. Tapi, mashaAllah, susah sangat aku nak focus dan faham. Haha. Maybe sebab aku lampi dan memang 'not into' programming. hahahaahahaaha. Aku fedup dan rasa aku tak mau buat esaimen tu.

Dan disebabkan yang ajar tu adalah bestfriend aku time tu, so aku memang jenis tunjuk perangai tak semenggah aku tanpa segan silu iaitu..orang kedah kata..."menyebaiiii" 🤣

Tambah pulak kawan aku ni sorang yang sangat minat dan terer programming so dia ajar sangat laju dan skip the very simple steps yang mana aku rasa dia patut tunjuk steps tu sebab aku ni vongok sangat nak faham macam mana boleh keluar output macam tu macam ni.

So aku pun buat perangai marah-marah..

"jangan lah skip. tunjuk lah satu2 macam mana boleh jadi macam tu.......".

Ya Allah...sungguh aku ni tak matang betul dan sungguh sabar sekali kawan aku tu.

Hahahha. Dah la tak tahu, lepas tu tak mau focus. Last-last nak marah2 pulak, Mentang-mentang kawan sendiri yang ajar, bukan main mengada2 dan mintak kaki.

Harap anak aku nanti tak mewarisi perangai tak semenggah ni. 😆😋

Pernah, satu hari aku having a bad day. Seharian tu aku rasa nak menangis.

Aku stress dan aku rasa terbeban. Selain masalah ka ofis, sesuatu yang menyumbang kepada bad day aku adalah disebabkan sesuatu yang terjadi di pagi hari lagi.

Pagi tu, gugusan kunci aku tertinggal di dalam bilik dan aku dah lock pintu bilik dari dalam.

Eh! Macam mana pulak aku nak keluar rumah. Kunci nak bukak grel tertinggal! Aku stuck dan termangu2 di tengah2 ruang tamu. Grab driver dah nak sampai. Pantas aku “Cancel booking’. Aku ketuk pintu bilik housemate yang tak sebilik denganku. Problem solved dengan bantuan housemate yang kebetulan off day hari tu. Dia tolong bukakan pintu grel. Tapi gugusan kunci aku masih ada dalam bilik aku.

So di ofis,work is tough and aku terlaaalluuu lah bizi sampai tak sempat bagitau rumet aku pasal kunci tu. Sepatutnya aku bagitau dia untuk tinggalkan kunci di dalam kasut supaya bila aku balik malam tu, aku terus dapat bukak pintu.

So bila aku balik, aku kol rumet aku masa aku sampai depan pagar tapi tak ber angkat. Aku kol lagi bila sampai depan pintu. Hampir 10 minit juga aku cuba kol rumet, and housemate yang lain semua tak berangkat. Bagi salam pun tak berjawab. Aku mula naik berang, emosional dan rasa nak menangis sebab aku sangat tak larat, sakit pinggang, cramp perut, lapar, all in 1. Aku cuma nak masuk rumah cepat2.

Ditambah pulak jam sudah hampir 8.00 malam. Waktu maghrib gais..faham2 lah syaiton berkeliaran.

Setelah beberapa kali kol, alhamdulillah, sorang dari hosmet aku datang bukak pintu.

Bila aku masuk bilik, okay. Rumet aku dalam bilik air. Patut lah dia tak angkat kol kan. Okay takpa2.

Then bila dia keluar dari washroom, aku pun serang.

“Weh ada nampak kunci aku tak?”, dengan suara terketar2 sebab tahan nak menangis.

Aku tengah test, sebab aku tahu, kunci tu aku tertinggal atas lantai. Tu last location nya. Aku yakin.

Dan dia cakap, “ohhh..tu kunci hang ehh? Aku dah alihkan letak atas loker. Ni haa…”, sambil bagi kunci tu.

Aku mula panas. Maksudnya , dia nampak ja lah kunci tu. Setan mula cucuk aku berburuk sangka.

Patutnya aku menyanyi,

“…entah apa..yang merasuki..ku…” sambil buat gaya tangan macam budak tiktok.

Aku bermonolog dalaman

“Habis tu, hang tak tanya pun aku kan, wasep ka apa2 ka. Kalau dah aku tertinggal kunci, mesti lah aku tak boleh masuk rumah. Hang tak mau tanya kah aku nak masuk macam mana? Terfikir nak tinggalkan kunci kat dalam kasut ka, pesan kat hosmet untuk tolong bukak pintu sebab hang nak masuk bilik air ka?”

Tapi yang keluar cuma..

“la..hang nampak ja kunci aku..hang tak wasep aku pun kan nak tanya kenapa….” , ujarku seakan merengek. Sebab kami memang rapat sebab tu aku jadi emosi.

Aku rasa aku dah lepas kan ketidakpuasan hati ku. Sebab bukan sekadar marah.

Tapi lebih kepada terasa, bila kawan tak ‘care’ pasal hang tanpa disuruh.

Terasa, bila fikir kawan hang tak fikir pasal kebajikan hang.

Walaupun simple, tapi mudah sungguh aku terasa. Sebab bagi aku, kawan tak perlu disuruh untuk fikir kebajikan kawan nya. Tapi atas sebab kasih sayang dan ehsan, kita akan fikir kebarangkalian, contoh,

“kawan aku dah makan ka?”

“hujan ni, macam mana dia balik”

"dia demam, okay ka tu kerja?"

Dan macam kes aku, tak terfikir ka dia untuk tanya..

“Tertinggal kunci, macam mana dia keluar rumah tadi? Macam mana dia nak balik nanti? Nak aku simpan kunci dalam kasut ka?”, terfikir kenapa dia tak tanya.

Ya memang kesalahan aku, sebab aku letakkan kesalahan pada dia.

Aku berHARAP.

Iya lah aku selalu fikir pasal kawan2 tapi, sampai hati dia tak fikir pasal aku. Macam tu lah lebih kurang perasaannya.

Sebab tu bila kita buat baik pada seseorang, jangan berharap something good in return kan.

Jangan sesekali.

Lesson learnt.💡

Time tu, aku tak fikir, apa sebenarnya yang kawan aku pulak fikir.

Ternyata aku salah faham bila rumet aku mintak maaf dan cakap,

“weh sorry.. aku ingat tu kunci ex tenant yang terjatuh so aku letak lak atas loker”.

Okay. Aku pun kembali sejuk tanpa letak kesalahan atas rumet aku tetapi kesalahan atas diri aku iaitu:

Tak cari masa wasep rumet pasal kunci lebih awal.

Semborono terasa sebab rumet tak care.

Sama lah dengan situasi yang mana ada hari tu aku rasa nak meletup sebab aku kena tunggu lama betul grab car. Time tu aku memang psychically lemah, aku start pening- pening dari petang sampai ke malam. Lepas tu kerja pulak menggunung kena siapkan. Perut pulak berkeroncong sebab sempat makan biskut ja sebelum tu. Bila aku monitor grab dalam apps tu, nampak dia dah terlepas jalan dan kena pusing jauh. Lepas tu memang lambat lah sampai ceritanya. Aku dah lah nak balik cepat-cepat ni. Apa lagi, bengang lah aku.

Tapi, bila si driver tu sampai dia cakap, waze dia problem. Sebab tu terlajak tadi. Makk aii, lembut betul pakcik tu cakap. Tak jadi aku nak marah.

Lepas daripada kejadian tu, kalau grab lambat, aku akan struggle jugak lah nak positif dan husnuzon untuk tenangkan diri aku. Hahahaah.

Dewasa ialah tentang..

Jangan cepat judge.

Point ni berkait rapat dengan point sebelum ni iaitu husnuzon.

Semakin meningkat usia, aku selalu diuji dengan ujian2 yang membuatkan aku rasa tertampar sebab aku judgemental. Padahal sepatutnya dalam keadaan tu aku kena husnuzon dan berlapang dada.

Dulu aku ada kenalan. Dia selalu sangat bercerita pasal kawan 'special' dia tu. Aku faham lah orang yang dah jumpa 'someone' dan sedang ke arah perkahwinan. So bila dia dalam proses mengenal partner dia tu, apa saja yang kami bualkan, mesti dia nak kaitkan dengan partner dia. Contohnya,

“ Si A pun suka macam tu.. dia tak suka macam ni”. Bila borak ja , mesti …”Si A dia jenis yang gitu gini..” sampai kadang2 aku rasa , eh macam dia sorang pulak ada partner dalam dunia ni. Kind of annoying jugak.

Tapi satu hari ni, waktu tu dia kaitkan lagi pasal partner dia, aku rasa bengang sikit, tapi aku diam, lama.

Tak respon sebab terfikir 1 benda ni. Dia pernah cerita betapa dia nak kawin atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Aku tahu sejarah dia dan aku aware betapa dia mengharapkan sesuatu pernikahan yang betul-betul beri dia kebahagiaan yang dia tak pernah rasa selama ni. Bila jumpa the right person, dia nampak gembira, bersyukur ada seorang lelaki yang boleh terima dia dan dia tak sabar nak tamatkan zaman bujangnya.

Ohhh..sebab tu lah asyik meniti di bibir ja pasal lelaki tu. U know right..when a girl is falling in love and happy, she will talk a lot about it. So make sense lah kenapa dia selalu story pasal lelaki tu. Ada sesuatu perkara yang aku tak boleh share sini tapi aku rasa benda tu adalah strong reason kenapa dia begitu teruja.

Pastu aku taktau kenapa, aku tersenyum sendiri, dan aku biarkan ja la dia esaited cerita pasal lelaki tu.

Sebab apa aku biarkan dulu? Bukan sebab aku nak biar dia hanyut dilamun cinta. Ada benda yang vital, aku akan tegur bila ada masa yang sesuai, tapi kenapa aku tak terus attack? Sebab bila kita makin dewasa, kita kena faham, tak kisah lah salah ka betul ka tindakan seseorang, jangan judge dulu. Fikir balik kenapa seseorang bertindak sedemikian. Mesti ada sesuatu di sebalik nya. Soal betul ka tak tindakan seseorang tu, kita boleh nasihat di kemudian hari. Tapi satu benda kita kena ingat. Seseorang jadi begitu dan begini mesti ada sebab. Cuba untuk faham dan bertindak sewajarnya.

Aku cuba.

Bila aku cerita pasal kedewasaan ni bukan maksudnya aku dah cukup dewasa ya kawan2.

Jauh sekali, nak menjadi positive macam prof muhaya.

Jarang aku jadi seorang yang selalu sabar dan bersangka baik dengan hidup aku.

Apatah lagi nak jadi ceria dan girang selalu macam Teletubbies dan Pooh.

Ada hari aku bangun dengan 0 semangat untuk ke tempat kerja.

Ada hari aku rasa nak pulau semua orang sebab mood aku terbang entah ke mana.

Ada hari aku rasa nak baran dengan orang sekeliling.

Ada hari rasa nak buat announcement yang aku tak nak sesiapa pun tegur aku hari tu.

Kenapa aku tak boleh positive setiap hari?

Sebab aku juga manusia. Ada masa aku rasa dada rasa nak pecah sebab terlalu stress dan terlalu banyak bebanan dalam kotak fikiran aku ni. Aku jadi emosi dan mix feelings. Sebab tu aku tend untuk jadi immature.

Tapi, kita semua dalam proses untuk memperbaiki diri.

Begitu juga aku.

Aku menulis bukan kerana aku pakar dan serba tahu. Tidak.

Tapi sebab menulis itu percuma.

Semua orang ada ilham dan tau banyak perkara.

Cuma tinggal bergema di benak fikiran ataupun dimuntahkan dalam tulisan.

Cuma sebagai penutup, apa yang aku boleh conclude kan berdasarkan pemerhatian aku yang serba kekurangan ni, adalah..

Dewasa itu bila mana kita belajar untuk, toleransi, memaafkan, sabar, husnuzon dan jangan cepat judge.

Dan aku percaya,

tak semua orang dewasa itu, betul2 'dewasa'.

Sesiapa pun boleh berfikiran 'dewasa' walaupun masih kanak2 dan remaja.

Kerana 'kedewasaan' bukan pada umur dan 1001 pengalaman tapi bergantung pada individu.

Ya. Ia betul2 bergantung pada diri kita sendiri.

Cloudy

I don't like when people questioning as I'm not doing well in job at office especially people who don't know the real situation happened there.🤦‍♀️😅

It's not that I rely on people appreciation. I don't need those but just don't hurt my feelings either.

With lack of resources but having

tons of request, and non stop errors that need to be entertained and resolved, I was thinking this is too much for my tiny brain to absorb.

I'm truly exhausted. I'm not joking saying this.

I pushed my self extremely hard and

I

Have

Deliver

My

Best.

You see I'm I still replying in WhatsApp grup and twitter ?

U know why I'm doing that?

Cause I'm sick! Sick of paying too much attention to work and I could had exploded if I continued working without socializing in another side of world.

My life is not just in that small desk with laptop, charger and mouse in front me.

I'm not a machine.

At certain level,  I always thinking of quitting in this field, going back hometown and start full time online business. Can I?

👉👈😔

Non stop incoming task give me pressure. Need to do investigation and finding root cause for each different scenario of cases.

I need to admit that I'm truly uncomfortable seeing those unsolved request and line of errors in queue that I pushed myself to get rid of those by solving it even sometimes feeling like vomiting plus dizziness that coming along, I still fight. I do fight inside without people noticing it cause I don't show it apparently. 😑

I'm not comfortable seeing untouched requests coming without tryna resolve it but I do have limit too.

I'm not taking my job for granted because at the end I know Allah will question me, do I fulfill my amanah? My job is my amanah.

I know what to do and I know dosa pahala.

But bare in mind that I have feeling to.

My brain has limit too.

When I'm tired, I couldn't push myself any further. If not, I will end up burst into tears and the worst things is mogok.

When I mogok, I will not doing my tasks and leave it just like that. Luckily, my teammates and seniors are super supportive, help me especially when I'm on shift, they still support me from home for some critical case or issue that needed guidance from them. But the remaining issues and tasks that I'm able to perform,  I  will avoid disturb them and ask for help. Trying the best to solve on my own.

That is satisfying tho 😪😅

Imagine when I'm alone during evening and weekend shift, solving all tasks and clearing the queue and it's super tiresome.

At that time, what I need is just...

'do the best' ,

'don't push too much' that's it.

Don't add some more by saying any line that makes me think twice as if I'm not done my job accordingly.

Or else, if don't have good things to say, don't say any word. Just some silly meme, lame joke, random funny videos on WhatsApp or Twitter

and some food would help a lot of gaining back my mood 🤤😋

I still remember, I heard people ever said 'tak cukup maksima lagi tu'. Things like that.

It makes me think twice, do they think I'm not fully commit? 😅

It seems like whatever happened, the tasks that should be finish regardless time and energy.

What's wrong with balik on time.

I spent enough hours in my office and I say to u clearly, I'm prioritizing my life as well.

I have mental and soul to be take care of, I have stomach to be filled, and khusyuk prayer that shud be performed. 🤔

If I still stay up for the sake of clear all the request, I could be died inside if would have not doing anything else except work because supposedly all that need to be solved and I'll be sitting there doing it until finish.😌😪

It's irony. People said,

take care of your health.

Eat properly.

Take rest.

Don't push yourself.

Handle your stress.

But when I go back earlier after giving my fully effort into work, they said that

'awal balik..',

'u're changing laaa',

not sure the tone of the line uttered but when read it, I feel like it fueled my anger sometimes..😂

They are the one ask me to take care of myself but they also pelik when I'm going back on time, left the untouched tasks at office. So u want me to still stay until midnight until all solved?

Before this, I used to stay until clear all requests and tasks but now, if it's not urgent, I just go back on time. Left it for tomorrow shift person.

I eat on time, I pray, I socializing in social media, reply whatapp, writing and sketching on my notebook when I'm at office.

That doesn't mean I'm neglecting my job, but it is how I handle my stress. It's not that I'm not busy, but I purposely spent a little time doing it in spite of bundle of waiting tasks. I couldn't pushed further.

Btw, I'm not writing and sketching every day. It just happened like once in a week when I feel too fedup and take a break during shift time, alone. Usually, long and fully writing and sketching require a leisure time for me to spend on and it is when I'm at home, not office.

At office, I usually take 5 minutes break socializing, drawing and writing on my note when the ideas come and continue back my work. If there's urgent case, of course I prioritise it first la kawan..😅

But do u know who am I before?

Not going back until all tasks finish.

I checked email at home not to ensure my previous email sent but seeing what email coming in, anxiety push me to do so, cause my mental still attracted to 'work relating things'.

I eat late.

I take a break at my desk (which means, I'm not taking proper break cause still doing work)

I do not socialised, fully focusing to work either urgent or not. Finish it all.

That's what bring me dizziness, nausea, stress and pressure.😖🤺

So now, why I'm changing to these?

1. Why I go back earlier even still got too many request untouched?

2. Why I started to take enough break rather that short break that I used to take before?

3. Why I don't look at email and Skype anymore after reaching home?

4. Why I socializing with other side of world rather than focusing on work like a robot?

Because I have life, body and mental to be take care of.

I could have been staying until all finished all but what I got?

Nothing but just exhaustion and stress.

Satisfaction? Yes. Might be one of it.

Finish all task..satisfied on the effort put.

To impress whom?

Your employer?

Is it more important than you mental health??

Is it the appraisal is more important than your body that u want to use for your entire remaining life?? 🍃

I tend to think, again, what's wrong with going back on time? Just because you going back earlier, your company will bankrupt lehh?

No, right? If yes, so what???? Is it your problem?? So all the things shud put on your shoulder??? U are the CEO mehh??

U feel bad cause too many untouched tasks drag to the next day and the boss will see it and thinking why too many unsolved ticket????

So what??

Let it be.

Let your boss know that there is lack of resources and they shud hire more.  I did my part. I did my best. Giving my hundred percent. That's their responsibility to cater the issue, not me who shud take the burden. It's them. 🤷‍♀️

And u know what, the saddest things is even I tried to avoid overworked, but still, until this day, I still have to cut my break time, make it shorter, still sometimes, just eat fast and little at my desk, still sometimes open Skype and email at home just to ensure nobody seek for my help.

The end.

Miss Dizzy Macguire.

Assalamualaikum and hye.
It's been a while since the last time, I wrote here.

It is October 2019, and I just reach 25, 2 weeks ago 🤭
So I decided to put a mission of doing more writing and sharing beneficial stuff via social media (Instagram, Twitter and anywhere possible) cause I want to develop passion and something to make me happier in my life.
As writing is one of those, here I am, writing in my silent and so called 'bersawang' blog. Eheeeee...
I'm not sure who is the readers.
Might be no one as I never share it publicly, but surely, I will share when I'm ready.
I'm no one, out there, but believe that if one day I'm no longer in this world, I will have several things have, to benefit others and people close to me or far from me will remember me thru my random entry here, InshaAllah.😍

So...
Today I'm gonna share something.
Just random things.
Not so crucial, just sharing my simple life and experiences..eheeeee...

It is about what I've been going thru in this couple of weeks.
So few weeks ago, I was really in bad shape as I have bad cough, flu & fever. I always feel tired, weak and exhausted especially during weekdays. That's why, I just spent whole day during weekends laying on my bed, went nowhere cause the only thing that I loved is bed. I love sleeping so much. 😅

So, pretty much affected by haze which reached 'very unhealthy' (API) in my area, my antibody unable to defend me well.
I got sick so easily and the sicknesses attacked me several days in a row.
I even took mc quite frequently and that's what makes me feel even worse, thinking that I'm not only unproductive at workplace, but also, worried that people might think that I'm 'bermalas2an' which is not true because I'm truly feel soo sick and I don't know how to explain it but just tried the best that I could, to still show up.😢

Two weeks after, the weather was getting slightly better and I totally recovered from cough and fever.

Then after, the worse phase came
when I started to get really bad dizziness and headache. Actually, it's quite frequent that I got dizzy but before this, it only happened like, twice a week, or maybe thrice.
Not so repetitive as I experienced in these worse phase that I mentioned above.
I felt soo dizzy and imbalance. To not feeling left behind, nausea took chance to hit me as well.
Not to forget, sometimes, I also experienced rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath either when I'm getting to bed or during work at office.

All this sicknesses came with special set and they disturbed me in certain ways.
It started from the moment I stepped away from home at noon to office and it continued until the time I prepared to sleep at night. It was terrible cause, when these set of sickness came over, it took away my mood, my focus, my productivity and my energy.
I feel really exhausted and uncomfortable as I burst into tears couple of times after praying or even in the ladies as I couldn't take it anymore. 😢 I felt worse cause it was so pressure being in the situation when you are super dizzy and imbalance but there's a ton of works and tasks to be completed and time is ticking but you couldn't take any painkillers cause u just took it yesterday. Thinking the bad affect of taking medicine too often and worrying of getting sleepy during day time, I refrained myself to take painkillers and just pretend like nothing happened, like the kitten says..'it hurts in my meow2' ..but I persisted forth..huhuhu.
I couldn't take it, but I got no choice. There is no way I'm gonna take excuse not doing work with the reason 'dizzy' right? People will not understand I tell yaaa.
It was so stressful thinking bout what people might say or think and at this moments, the only things that matter for me is Allah.
Allah know what I'm going thru,  Allah understand me. Allah test this to me, for a reason so I'm gonna stay strong and fight.




As the days passed by, I was thinking that there must be something wrong.
I'm full of eager to seek for help and discover the root cause so I can take necessary action.
The symptoms is showing that I probably have any problems related to BP(blood pressure)
maybe because of exhausted or stress that I encountered recently. The closest people to me also suspect that something is not right about the blood inside my body.

Soon after, I got to see Dr to have blood test to figure out things. So, I went to clinic and having sort of discussion and simple basic checking with the Dr.
Sum up the conversation and simple checking before test, Dr was finding out if I do have low/high BP, hypertension and some other potential risk. And after about 30 minutes of consultation session, Dr suspects I'm having several problems/disease.
Right after consultation session, I got my blood and urine test.

The result released a day after and
the result
wasn't
surprising me
at all.
This is because, I do have strong feelings about the result.
So Dr diagnosed me having...

Iron Deficiency- mild anemia.

Anemia is a very common case happened nowadays. It could happened to your mom, brother, friend, spouse or anyone who close to you. But when it common, doesn't mean it's not dangerous. It do has level as well and it is curable depend on the condition itself.
Thus, because it is a common case happened among society, it has become  one of the reason why I said that I'm not surprised.

One more reason why I'm not surprise is because it is predictable. The symptoms that I have, strong related to anemia disease and upon getting the root cause, it had been such a long live streaming of throwback session lingering inside my head, showing the symptoms that I have been encountered
in
these
couple
of
years
appearing one by one like a slideshow, and I kidding u not, it goes like.."ooohhhhhhh..no wonder laaaa.........".😅

Allahu..It's been a long long journey with these condition and what I have been thinking was..
This
Is
Normal.
Nothing
Is
Wrong
With
Me.
But, in fact, bundle of things correlated perfectly together that resulted to this.
I'm sharing because these could ever happened to you and at least you got the picture and clue to figure out yourself as well and take necessary action.
The things that include in my throwback session, as follow:

• Unable to donate blood.

The moment when I intended to do blood donation around 6 years ago. Dr once said that I'm not eligible to donate blood cause he said my blood is 'too little' and she mentioned 'not enough'. At that time I'm not really got the meaning of 'sikit' , 'tak cukup, dik, tak boleh derma.'

• Change body posture 

Other previous experience is in these couple of years, I had been encountered imbalance every time I changed my body posture especially when doing simple movement like picking up my pen from the floor, tying my shoe laces, bowing down my head/body and standing up right after.
When it is repetitively done in certain period of time, I started to get dizzy and having short breaths, for instance, doing chores like..
sweeping the floor that needed me to look down the floor for like 10 minutes,
hanging the laundry that require me to bow my head, take clothes from basket, hanging, repeat. Even not repetitive, it also left me dizzy.
I swear, its annoying cause it's really mere simple movement. sigh

• Exercise and do sports.

Moving on, I also experienced short breaths and dizzy when doing exercise for all this time, that it takes me longer time to relax my self and cool down and continue the exercise. So sad cause I'm not fit like my other friends and this hit me really hard once. It was when I went for hiking at Bukit Gasing last year.
I was at the corner on the track, gasping for air. I was indeed, nearly suffocate like for real! I was unable to talk, inability to breathe properly, just showing hand sign that I need a break, again. I feel bad to Umai, Syifa and Su cause we all need to stop by quite many times because of me
👉👈.
Sorry girls, wallahi, my spirit, energy and muscle not showing any signal to rest yet, but my chest feel like popping out😅.
I hiked several times, but that times at Bukit Gasing is awful. Huhuhu.
Hiking is fun. I can spend my times with my silly friends, enjoy the spectacular and breathtaking view up there as well as getting some fresh air from greenery. Not so many place I went before and some of them merely,  beginner and intermediate level. Some of the hills that I went to, included, Bukit Broga, Bukit Jugra, Bukit Melati, Bukit Gasing (awful moment😂) and Bukit Kiara.
I wish to hike more after this without having any short breaths anymore  😅




 

• No fresh air.

The other things that triggers dizziness, imbalance, nausea and irregular heartbeat is when I'm in a place or condition which have no fresh air or natural windy especially when there is a small place with crowd of people.
I prefer fresh air from open window.
Be it in building, in a car or elevator with inadequate maintenance which lead to dysfunctional air conditioners with no moving air from outside really stressed me out. Additionally, when there is unpleasant smell like smell of cigarettes smoke or strong scent of perfume in that tiny room.
Urghhh.....boleh mengamuk wehhhh!!!
Better to get fresh air from outside rather than staying indoors uncomfortably.
I know, it sounds 'mengada' or what not, but the fact is, my mind, can tolerate but my dizziness, can't. That resulted of me being moody or suddenly silent because I'm battling inside 'sat ja, tak lama, tahan sat, tahan sat pening tu'.
So it's me.
Imbalance,
gasping for fresh air,
clenching my fist,
tryna smile
and collecting the strength to stand still.
I do fight. Always. 😢

• Digital motion sickness/ Computer Motion Syndrome/ Eye Strain

I also having bad dizziness, irregular heartbeat recently due to workload which require me to force my eyes looking on the screen to finish my task and ongoing work/issue.
The package included tired eyes, pain around neck, head and back. When dizziness and eye strain hit me, I couldn't do much, just trying to adjust brightness, and angle of my desktop screen.
Just some moments I took to do simple stretching on my seat, apply minyak cap kapak, taking wuduk and continue my work.


I remember like , several months ago, Tasha came over and ask why I'm crying on my bed, I simply tells her that I couldn't sleep cause dizziness hit me real hard. It was on weekdays and I'm not sure what triggered me that day until I was unable to sleep and even take painkiller also didn't work. She then, apply minyak cap kapak and massage my head and I not realized when I shut off. I miss her laaa. A friend who acted like a blood sister. 😄



I think, that's it for this entry. thanks for reading.
Maybe, in the other entry, I will be sharing more details, about anemia.
Is it Dangerous or not?
How to cure?
What Dr advise me and etc.
I was planning to share more, thinking that maybe people out there also have the symptoms and the post could help to figure out yourself. So stay tune 😋😬