Is it a crime to get stressed?

 

I sometimes questioning.. 

Is it a crime to get stressed?

When we have a very bad day but positive word keep echoing in our head saying 

"I'M OOOKAY"

"positive! positive! tak boleh stress2!!"

"itu pun nak emo.."

Without shedding any tears, we surpass the feelings 

worrying if we might look weak 

worrying if we later considered as immature 

due to incapability of controlling our own emotions

While in fact, 

our heart is about to explode and shatter into pieces

Sometimes too many positivity will slowly gaslight us 

make us feel doubtful about own state

make us feel low-self esteem, 

unworthy and 

look fragile when complaining

I always against toxic positivity in our society

I hate when people started to romanticize a bad state into sugarcoating word

The discomfort, anger, sorrow, distress keep bottling up 

End up, people who is suffering can only restrain it 

We are pushed to smile in misery

To dance in rain so others can't see our tears running down the cheek

Unable to articulate emotions, keep enjoying the day

Until one day we can't even sing in a normal tempo anymore

Being denial toward something that will slowly harm us in future

Mentally, emotionally or even worse, 

prolonging the anxiety, stress and unknown feelings within ouselves

I am capable

I can handle this alone

I can complete all by today

I already forgot those bad moment

I'm not mad at you

My hand still empty to take it more

I can proceed

It doesn't really bother me

YES, sometimes I did say these words

But it doesn't applicable all the time

Why can't we accept that we are feeble and helpless sometimes?

I'm incapable

I need help

I deserve more time to settle things

I can't simply switch feelings

I feel offended

I still have more to-do-list

I'm stuck

I had enough 

Say it louder!

All we want is ESCAPING

But little did we know that the very first step to escape is 

acknowledging

Then embracing

And say to yourself..

'yes!! shit happens'

It is happening right now!'

Don't ever deny it 

We might need a good cry

We might scream out loud

We might confess the burdensome

Trying to repress the emotion, anger and anxious will only held in the bruise 

Pretending if nothing happen will make us look fine apparently 

But deep inside, 

we feel super tight and suffocating in the dark. 

MATA

Jangan kata kau cinta

Jika tak pernah lihat sisi dia yang satu lagi

Mencintai dia bererti mencintai
apabila kau lihat matanya yang penuh peta cerita tapi dia tak pula bersuara
Bukan minta kau meneka
Bukan jua minta kau terus melayani dinginnya dia
Dia hanya mahu masa untuk dia membetulkan kusut fikirannya

Mata itu pernah kau kagumi akan sinar dan girangnya 

biarpun saat dia bercerita hal biasa-biasa

Mata yang sama juga harus kau selami saat dia berdiam dan penuh tanda tanya

Tapi kau minggir merengus bila dia perlukanmu
Kau hanya minta dia melayanimu seperti mana dulu-dulu
dan selalu
Bila kau tanya, kau terus mahu jawaban
Semuanya untuk kepentinganmu sahaja
Dia yang berdiam kau asak hingga matanya berkaca
Kau minta jawapan jitu
Barangkali kau tak punya banyak waktu
buat melayani matanya yang muram dan perilaku dia yang padamu mengada2 

dan sengaja berahasia

Sudah tiada lembut santunmu
Sudah hilang seni tuturmu
Sudah pudar sabar hatimu

Kau hanya mahu tatap matanya yang bergemerlapan,
mata yang tersenyum,
mata yang mampu buat kau mudah memahaminya

Bukan mata yang sukar penuh silang kata
Yang kau tahu hanyalah bertanya mengapa
dan apakah jawapannya
Jawaban yang dia sendiri jugak tak tahu bagaimana nak mula dek kelu lidah hendak berkata

Berilah si dia masa
Jangan kau desak
Jangan kau asak
Kau juga pernah punya waktu bila kau 'sesat' seketika
Begitu juga dia
Jangan kau benci dia menganggap yang tidak-tidak

Pertemukan lutut mu dan dia
sambil duduk bersila
tak perlu suara
biar diam saja
Kau cuma perlu temani dia sentiasa
Bila dia jumpa jalan pulang,
dia sendiri akan meluah semahunya

ERRATIC

Why some people become frustrated?

Because they always hope and crave for people's love and affection

Always wanted to be loved
To be cared
Even thought that once someone loves us,
the feelings will stay there,
always,
without flopping even a fleck

While in fact, people may change
The feelings might cease
and flee away like debris

I hardly believe in "love unconditionally" phrase
Sometimes people started to find excuses
They wanted to run away when there is no longer fondness
Once the weakness of their love one starts to  facade, 

they feel like putting it to the end 

They want to leave
But they stuck in the middle of relationships
and choose to just... stay until time resolved everything

But they forgot that, 

time aren't matters
What matters most is a willingness
It is willingness to fight

Loving someone is not easy as it might sound
We will always being tested
by the words that we uttered

Love is like a cactus
U bought it, brought into your house and taking care of it
It needs to be watered
To be put under sunlight
The storm and thunder will always come over
When a whirlwind passing by, 

the strength is shaking
If it is low maintained, it will be easier to tear apart
If it is lack of hydration, it might be rotten and dye slowly

And once it dyed, it is no longer seems attractive and u start to consider to throw it away

Preserve, nurture and constant improvement

These elements need to be served to the cactus so it will always looks alluring and soften your heart even after thousands times you look at it

Same goes to LOVE

TUMPANGAN

Sengaja Ara menghindar si dia

Untuk melatih rasa cukup bersendiri

Ara sangat gembira setiap kali mereka mula berbicara dan berjenaka

Itu buat Ara gembira

Apabila si dia menyapa, 

pasti ada senyuman di hujung bibir Ara

Hati Ara terusik dengan ritma sendiri


"Ohhh Tuhan
Ini adalah 'مرض '!", jerit Ara di dalam hati kecilnya

Kerana kadang Ara tertanya2

"Kenapa aku bahagia?"

Dirinya menjawab persoalannya sendiri,

"Kerana ada 1 susuk tubuh ajnabi yang sering hadir mengindahkan hari2ku"

Ara rasa dirinya lemah kerana bergantung kepada orang lain 

untuk meraih secebis bahagia dalam hari2nya

Kini Ara nekad..
Bukan nekad untuk pergi kepada si dia

Sebaliknya,
Ara nekad
mahu lari jauh darinya!!!

Ara mahu lari
kerana Ara takut

Takut bakal berduka 

dan lebih menakutkan, 

Ara bimbang emosinya lumpuh 

andai kehilangan si dia

Apa artinya?
itu bermakna bahagia selama ini, kerana adanya si dia, bukan kerana diri Ara sendiri
Apabila adanya si dia, dia gembira
Bila si dia jauh, rasa hidup tak bermakna

Ara merasakan dia 

menumpang 

bahagia 

atas hadirnya orang lain

Ini sangat berbahaya untuk jiwa Ara

Ara sudah tak mahu lagi 

meletakkan 

bahagia kerana si dia

Ara kini mahu belajar

Bagaimana rasanya 'bahagia'
TULUS
kerana diri sendiri
Bukan kerana orang lain
Saat ini,
Ara bilang, dia mahu belajar untuk bahagia
asbab diri sendiri
yang dia paling percaya

Bukan pada 1 jiwa
yang bila2 masa bisa pergi dan belum tentu bila akan sah bersamanya

Kerana saat Ara mungkin diuji akan kehilangan si dia,
akan ada 1 bayang2 yang tak akan pergi dan berkata...
"tidak mengapa lah. Aku masih di sini"
Dan suara itu adalah ARA sendiri

- ara