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Wednesday, 4 November 2020

Afraid of Being Scared

 Today I woke up in the morning

I was lumbering to the bathroom 

I then came out and sat on my bed

Staring blankly at the closet in front of me

Suddenly 

I cried my eyes out 

.

.

.

.

I have a dream last night

In the dream, someone I knew, left me, going to a new place. As the person busying packed her things, 

I then cried and don't want her to leave.


When I woke up, suddenly that scene coming to my head like a slideshow

That is why I suddenly cried as someone left me in real life. 

It was like, I'm not acting my age. Crying like a 5 years old lost girl. What has gotten on me!


I believe that dream is something complex that need to be discussed in a proper manner of knowledge

I don't want to waste my time thinking about dream I had recently

I read an article that people usually dreaming something that they recently has been thinking about.

Then I coming to the sense that I dreamed about 'someone left me' because that is what I have been

thinking about these days.


That is true that I always have some sort of strange thinking, recently.

I always wondered how if the table turns

How if everything that I have now, disappear


My family, my friends


I always imagine, 

I'm going back home but I see nothing but emptiness


No one left, it's me only at home

I strolling lazily in my house and calling out for my mom, dad and my sibling

Staggering to my feet because no one answering me


Imagine if suddenly someone who always checking on me, didn't reply my WhatsApp

My WhatsApp group is stacking down among the conversation list 

No one left 

My friends all gone from my sight


How scary is that

Even thinking about that make me agitated


I then realized that, that is the biggest scary moment in my life


But at the same time, I afraid of being scared

Because Allah will test us with what we scared the most


I'm totally vague. What I suppose to do


Sometime I afraid of getting something/someone new that will left me sentimental & intense feeling


I don't know if I'm too worried about the future. Am I?

I have no idea.

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