2021

Saw trend on socmed where people compiling 2021 in 1 single clip

There's lot of accomplishment

A lot of memories created compared to the previous year

Probably happened when goverment allowed citizen to do intercity movement and rentas negara oso

People are travelling like crayyyzehh

My feed and stories are flooded by... either Langkawi or Cameron Highland 

And of course a lot more placed that I have just discovered

There are some mates who tied the knot as well

I'm genuinely overwhelm happy seeing them 

for whatever they have achieved

I casually scroll my phone gallery and not to surprised, 

there is nothing much compared to last years, 

except there is more pictures of cats in it 🤣

To be frank, I don't have so many significant moment in 2021

But i'm so glad that it's not that worse

I feel my life is so stagnant 

But I just vibing and it goes like..

"ohh..stagnant is not so bad".

As for me, 2021 is so much about introspection

It's about adjusting, questioning, correcting and experimenting

I learn to be moderate and spill good word

I wish to speak good or remain silent

I wish to attain more than what I have now

In every aspect

I rarely set a bombastic goals

I did it in my past but it seems unrealistic 

I gave up half way & quit

If  have choice, I want to do everything, my way

But I have rule to follow, circumtances and some heart to take care of

So I end up do what other want me to do 

cuz I realize, ohhh..I don't live on my own..

I live with people and sometimes need to turn my eye blind

I figure out a lot more things 

i.e. self-possession, self- control and apprehend more about maturity

There were several times when I refrained myself to speak my heart 

Feeling like my heart is popping out

But then, I just slipped it thru

Something it's better left unsaid to avoid unpleasant moment

I don't give a sh*t 

I just..

okay..let it go..I'm not perfect, so do people

warever happens, happens

and sometimes I was like..

I will die anyway

I don't live forever and this dunya is temporary 

So gurlll..what's a big deal?

I will sure wake up tomorrow, for sure

It just the place

Either in my bed or in barzakh

If I'm gone, no one will remember the worth 15 minutes-choosing outfit I wore last week in my Instagram

no one will notice jokes I tweet recently  

some will cry for a couple of days 

some might throw a little throwback about me

and?

Yup! They will continue their lives as usual,  days after

and me? continue my life there with no one accompany 

After all, to Him we will return 

I don't want to be a person who chasing for dunya from dusk to dawn 

I might also unable to let it go all in once 

Who is the person I might becoming?

Probably the same 

but perhaps

a little bit 

wiser.

Rendezvous

December Poem

It feels like yesterday, when he ping her at the box

She's not freaking out

She just smelled a monotonous vibes by his presence 

It just..

'gothcyuu! let's see what do u have for me'

She was kinda 'accepting' 

after going thru 

some tiny ambiguous states 

probably towards the previous chapters of her track record

whether someone was ditched

or it was her who was become the option

She was complete unsure

He knocked her front door at that very moment

having something to offer in his hand

She was anticipated

but didn't expect much

neither butterfly nor firework

just a breeze Sunday 

to certain extent, it was like 

"okay come closer. I'm approachable"

She bought the front row ticket to see it clearer

Prejudice-free

It was 'smooth like butter',

numerous of disagreement which sometimes shook em

and countless eye-opening circumstances

The fact that he keep leaving her rosy cheek and smile at the end 

not due to those candy-coat, words of wisdom

But simply because he keep being 'he'

It was irresistible~