I Fell Ashamed of Having Best Friend

In these recent years, I have never had any best friends

I did have some close friends which I considered them as "bestfriend" but I no longer do that now because of some reasons

When I was in my teen age, I just noticed that those who I thought as best friends are not actually best friends 

They are mere close friends 

Friends whom I used to hang out with, accompanied me everywhere, 

sitting side by side during classes and

doing crazy things together 

We were getting close due to several reasons and occasions 

I no longer believe in "best friends relationship" thingy 

One of it is because I think it is a commitment 

When I acknowledge someone as a best friend, I was thinking that 

there is a commitment for each other to get knowing almost everything about each other 

But not knowing everything make us stick together as a friend, right?

In my way of thinking, if u called someone as your best friend, they deserve to know everything 

I have some old friends a.k.a childhood friends whom I currently seldom interact with 

But there is a special connection between us that makes me think that they are my bestfriend 

We knew everything about each other's personal details back then 

But as the time passed by, we got separated due to timing reason and watching each other's progress from screen 

We didn't know much about each other anymore 

There is no one is wrong here

It just the matter of fate 

But deep in my heart, I always remember about them and the fond memories still in my heart 

Sometimes they appear in my dream as well

It is saddening when I think that they are my best friend but I feel that they didn't think the same

I was several times felt that I am not matter to them anymore 

I even missed out some important things happened in their life

and I have not been informed about remarkable things about them as well

My heart feel quite heavy to talk about this 

because I really nurture a friendship but got keeping out makes me feel sad sometimes

It is not only a disappointment 

but it is quite tiring for me to take everything seriously into my heart 

Thus, I told myself,

We don't get to know someone because we have to 

We get to know them because we are willing to

People share when they feel like doing so

They have right to hide it as they want

We might once standing at the same junction on the roadside 

But, our life lead us to different path then after

We are growing up and getting older day by day

I don't want to take into my heart when people exclude me in anything

I don't want them to feel guilty of not checking me out every now and then

and I don't want to feel any guilty of not knowing everything about them either

From that moment, I choose to not address any friend as my best friend anymore

I want to break free from those expectations in friendship that I was once dictate 😃

I do have several close friends

These close friends knew only some portions of my whole life story 

I have a close friend but we are far apart in distance 

I feel ashamed of myself to address her as my best friend 

and even more ashamed to call my self as her best friend

Why?

Because I am lacking of information about her

She is the one who I always looking for where I pouring out my very personal matters and feelings 

I do know her personal things as well 

but 

I don't know about her as much as she know about me 

I always confuse about her siblings number and even never knew their name

There are many things that I still not know about her 

so how could I call her as my best friend and 

how could she thought me as her best friend?

Here's a thing

I set my bar quite high for a relationship  called 'best friend' 

My best friend should be someone who know everything about me and I knew everything about them

Their personal feelings, their love story, their family matters, their struggle, their hardest time, their insecurity and almost everything

Yes

To that extend

That is me

A best friend is not just a friend who close to me

That is why, until this very day, I don't have any best friend

I yet to reach that level

I do have people where I share about A but that person having no idea about B 

And there is another person who knows everything about B but know nothing about A 

A, B, C or D could be about anything 

Either regarding my family matters, my insecurity, my works, my sickness, my financial, my lover, my daily life and stuff 

I don't share everything to only one person 

I'll go to first person to share silly jokes or some gags due to how synchronize our brains are

I'll not looking for that first person again for another issue that oppose her scope of interest

I'll find another person to express my view regarding some random thought to discuss together

There is different person for different thing respectively

As for me, "best friend" never exist.

We will stay just F.R.I.E.N.D and I am super okayyyy with that 😍

ALIVE (2020)

 

I watched Alive(2020) in the midst of Covid'19 Pandemic

It got first ranking in Netflix and become one of the successful Korean Movie in Netflix for this year

 

I would say it clear

From my perspective, 

this movie is actually more to melodrama rather than thriller or horror vibe

It actually focus on survivor's inner conflict rather than answering about who win or dead at the end

Although the film stated that they will show how both character use their specialty to fight zombie, 

I would rather falling for the character on how impassioned they showered us, the emotion and the mental struggle they encountered

 

The picture is simple, everyone

To not complicated things, 

just imagine you are trapped alone in your apartment unit for like a month, lost contact with your 

love one, knowing they all probably leave you forever, hopeless 

and barely breath in inadequate necessities (food, water, electricity, phone coverage, Wi-Fi)

While at the same time, there was an on-going chaotic cannibalism happening outside

With lack of coping mechanism and surviving skills, you having no picture of tomorrow

That speaks what this movie is all about

That is why most of time consumed, showing both of them staying quietly in their unit

Like I said, the story is simple but the mental and physical tense is no joke

That is why I said, I impressed more into character than the physical conflict 

Why I'm not into the physical conflict in this film?

keep reading, okay...😃

 

Firstly, I love Yoo Ah In and Park Shin Hye

They are a great combo but to put in blunt, in overall, 

I don't really think this is the  best zombie/disease epidemic genre film 

But when I said it is not the best, it doesn't mean it is totally wasted

It indeed got it own uniqueness despite its stagnant and monotone storyline

In short, Alive 2020 got superb actors with slightly boring storyline

To elaborate more, I will go for the 'alaaa............' moment first

So here we go!

 

Things that doesn't work for me

 

• Too little conflicts and 'wow' moments

Frankly speaking, when watching the BTS, artist talk or trailer, the film expected to dangle us a bunch of powerful scenes and conflicts

I demand for more fascinating scenes and conflicts in this film, seriously

This movie having lack of climax scenes and 'wow' moments 

I feel thirsty to see both character fully utilize their own specialties, where both main lead showing off their skills and bravery

like....in more aggressive and more creative ways

Apparently, Jun Woo's character is mold to be a nerve-racking youth who scared, nervous as hell

The director intend to make his character in that particular way and not visualized him as a typical heroic character like other zombie movie 

That speaks his character (which I will explain more later on)

I found it as a fresh approach of creating the main character

But, I will be happier is Jun Woo got more scenes when he use his skills in gaming, not just using the drone and golf stick as weapon

Same as Yoo Bin. Director should convey more for her regarding her survivability skills as she was once a 

passionate hiker and an expert wall climber, so I expect more from her, not only depend on the axe and rope as tools

I waited for this movie with high anticipation but my hope literally dropped a little bit as the scenes I demand were too little

Yoo Ah In and Park Shin Hye are not ordinary so this film shouldn't waste the main powerhouse actors in here😂 

They indeed deserve more 'wow' moments

 

• Rushing plot:

If you notice, it took about quarter and almost half time of this movie showing how both Jun Woo and Yoo Bin spend time and survive silently in their unit without facing the chaotic situation outside

It is a nice plot where they focus on character but I think this film is too rush to the next plot, one after another for the conflict/climax  scenes part 

Spoiler alert:

The climax scene is actually the moment when Yoo Bin jump off from the balcony elegantly, fight the zombie and killing them ruthlessly

 

Then Jun Woo comes into the scene and lends her a help 

As for me, that scene is very crucial and need to be elaborate deeper in a more intense and 

accurate ways

Remember the part when Yoo Bin hop into the car from left side and successfully make off from 

that freakinnn car to the right door without getting bitten by any single zombie????

I found it cartoon-like as if I'm watching Super Mario game or something😂

I believe that it will got audience more hysterical and unrestrained if they visualized the tense she encountered 

IN THE CAR during that moment 

so it will assemble the scene to become more details and complex 

but sadly, it goes so fast and suddenly they both managed to enter the elevator

I was like....

I want more!!!!!!!!!! 😆

Biggest spoiler alert

• The ending:

Happy ending is so mainstream

I can't help to keep it to myself but guys... 

the ending would be epic and more impactful if one of them actually got bitten by zombie

But to let people exhale in relief, there serve us something else which I feel.... 

'mehhhh' 

hahahahaha

Moving on.... 

Things that work for me:

 

• Character:

I always go for the character when the conflict is lacking

Talking about the character, I feel a little bit thrilled 

*cracking my finger*

Honestly, when I realized that this movie having too little conflicts or actions scenes that a 

zombie movie expected to have, 

I come to my sense that maybe the director want to focus more on the character and hidden 

messages 

I always oookay with slow-pace storyline, having quiet atmosphere as it is not a big deal as long 

as the message if huge

I watched a lot of quiet movie but still, the intensity and eloquence still amazed me 

I found that both Jun Woo and Yoo Bin has their own unique and natural character

That is one of the reason that makes me stick to the end

 

Jun Woo conquers the lenses for the first half before Yoo Bin coming into the picture

You can't believe Yoo Ah In intentionally gaining weight to look more plump and dyed his hair 

to  disguise and create special,  impactful, memorable,  and iconic appearance in this film as a 

young man next-door who is a hardcore gamer

 

He is very natural as always but the difference from his previous movies or series is 

Jun Woo is completely helpless, clumsy, quite childish, clingy, easygoing and a cheerful young guy!😂

 

 

Disappointed audience who dislike Jun Woo character saying that he is a weak boy next door got the 

point right! hahhaah

Because he is!

Jun Woo portrays an unusual character who become a sentimental youth who has a poor surviving skills

He seems feeble but still persistent forth and fight with all his might and strength

Despite his despair and hopeless, he still dare to face the zombies even saved Yoo Bin several times

He might be an excellent gamer in virtual but to face enemy(zombie) in real life is indeed a tough job

Like I mentioned before, he is not a usual heroic character who is bold and strong but indeed, 

he actually reflects a soul of a typical youth in this era 

 

Unlike other hero in other zombie film, Jun woo is nervous, agitated, irritated, rage 

and the best part is, he would rather sleep in hungry on his couch  

rather than getting eaten alive by zombie out there

How real is that

I would do the same

He seems hopeless and pathetic fellas at the beginning, even slurps the spill mineral water on his table at the living room because it was the last drop of water left!!!😓

So pitiful he felt that he decides to put his hands down and continue sleeps on the couch

Whatever happens, happened!

 

But when he found out that he now has a new partner, he then started to carry a responsibility of surviving together 

 

It's okay to die alone but having a partner make he feels they shouldn't die together

Overall I love Jun Woo in Yoo Ah In as it is one of the unique and fresh character for a zombie/thriller genre film

I mean, chums..Yoo Ah In will never choose an ordinary character as he is very selective type of actor

He was 33 years old during filming this movie but the character actually demand him to be younger than his age 

Probably early 20's and I certain, he succeed!

Jun Woo in character

 

Jun Woo off camera

 

Unlike Jun Woo, Yoo Bin seems to be more relax, cool and independent

I love how this film introduce Yoo Bin's appearance 

She comes at the very perfect moment when Jun Woo 'standing on the edge of the mountain'

No perfect timing can beat this one!

The decision for choosing Park Shin Hye for Yoo Bin is absolutely the best 

With her simple short hair and innocent humble eyes, enough to describe how simple she is  

 

She portray an introvert passive girl who is an avid hiker who love camping and a skillful wall climber

Contrary with Jun Woo who easily trusts the Ahjussi, Yoo Bin is full of suspicious and don't 

bluntly trust people even that person helps them out

 

Compared to Jun Woo who is agitated most of the time, she is the one who confidently jumping 

off from her balcony and chopped the zombie's hand without hesitation!

She is brave and daring despite her soft side

For me, her character herself is a symbolic of 'HOPE'

Everything about her reminds me of hope

I love how nurture she is, watering her cactus with her limited mineral water and that moment 

makes me realize, 'gosh, she is really something'

 

I remember the first time they talk to each other thru walkie talkie and Jun Woo mentioned about Yoo Bin saving his life

and she replied..

 

then after, she look up something at the ceiling and I got 'wait what..' moment

That makes me wonder

Is she born bold, or trying all her might to be bold and keeps her faith until the very moment

After all, she was once like Jun Woo, hopeless and helpless but she fight within herself

I love this hidden message 

Spoiler Alert:

Yoo Bin also shows despair side in her when she surrenders twice in this film

First is before they started the mission, when she heard a group of zombies swarming right front of her home 

And the second time is when she surrender her life to Jun Woo at the final scene

With s super heavy heart, she decided the hardest things ever

That is soo touching

Her eyes were full of misery and she finally look completely hopeless

 

• The beginning

Some said that the beginning is coming out of nowhere and audience can't figure out how it happened

As we can see in another zombie/disease epidemic movie, we figure out how it started and who is the culprit 

But Alive brings us into unconventional storyline whereby the source and root cause of the zombie outbreak is ambiguous from the beginning until the end

I found it's quite engaging when they kinda put midway plot in the beginning where Jun Woo waking up having no ideas the haywire happening out there 😆

His shocked eyes explain his feelings

Like...'what the he** is happening'

  

 

I love it because it actually conveys a hidden message of how dumbfounded a youth who used to living in his own world 

suddenly got snap into reality with zombie outbreak that happened within his own place

Like..hyung! this world is not a playground

U gotta face the reality!

 

• Subtle nuance:

Spoiler alert:

Here come the best part for depressed Jun Woo

One of the unforgotten scene is obviously when Jun Woo reaching his ultimate patience and faith after 15th day trapped 

He started drinking his dad's beer and crazily grooving along the music

 

I love the transition when the pop music playing in background 

then in a flash, 

a quiet ambience promptly taking place 

I found that is so on point! 😯

 

 

Right after that sudden quiet moment, Jun Woo begin to hallucinate

He see his dad, sister even hugging her mom 

It was full of tenderness  and sooo beautifully visualized 😥

His first subtle expression got me goosebumps, not gonna lie!

Not even some second after he impressed me with that expression, 

he continue to show his top notch acting skills and this is my favorite part from overall scenes, everybodyy!!!! 😍😎

It is when he suddenly crying without a single voice!😳😳😳😳

His body bent to the ground and he started shouting but sadly, nothing coming out from his throat but saliva

He taking a big inhale and shout again but still no voice coming out! 

It was completely silent 

 

          The shoot was slow, details, meticulous and accurate

and I love how camera focus on his subtle nuance facial expression

I finally got my jaw dropped!! That is insane 😭 

    Some audience might feel amaze with fierce or vigorous facial expression of an actor, 
    

    but as for me, sometimes 'less is more'

    They are saying nothing from their tongue but the eyes speaks the dialogue

              That is so powerful!

   Personally, I think that this intense scene alone saves the whole film!!! 

             Not the scene when they are fighting with zombie or any other scenes

            This one, captures me more than others

  

 

 

This time, I become even more sympathy towards Jun Woo

It's like the tears coming from previous unbearable depression, grief, suffocation, stress and loneliness  

he had been through 

He is starving badly, his body become weaker, his emotion and mental slowly getting up the 

spout and he seems completely hopeless

 

 

The second subtle nuance is at the moment when he recording himself, saying nothing but 'Hello'

He smiled, looking blankly to the camera and stay silent, through out the short recording and 

it was right before he decided to do something crazy!

 Moving on..

 

• Chemistry

This is a story about 2 stranger in neighborhood who happened to found out that 

they both are the only survivors at the apartment and suddenly become pal

When it comes to different gender, we always expected there will be some romance blooming in the middle of the erratic situation 

but surprisingly, they got no love interaction between these main lead which 

become the best shot the director has given!!

Standing ovation to the script writer and the director who don't make this a cliché storyline

I mean..that is the exact things that should happening right?

You are not gonna easily falling for a new person u just knew just because u both trapped and survive with the help from each other

There got a lot more relationship other than romance that a film can serve to audience

Here got friendship and yes! it was a very bizarre friendship which unintentionally started during epidemic 

I love how awkward they were when they break free from zombies in their first mission to the 8th floor

 

After running into an elevator and upon the door closed, they both look at each other breathlessly and Jun Woo was like...

'you are alive, nice to meet you'

and Yoo Bin replied

'me too'

😆  

that was a super awkward greeting after several days become next-door-pal 

 

 

I love how passive and introvert Yoo Bin was

She even got startled when Jun Woo suddenly hugs her upon knowing about the rescue team coming over in the Ahjussi' house 

 

 

I am totally in love with that simple friendship they develop instead of gibberish romance taking over  💓

• The first fight:

After the sudden panic moment Jun Woo facing in the first 6 minutes when he try to digest what is happening, the film continue to accelerate in it's speed for another 5 minutes

The first battle of Jung Woo fighting the Zombie, begin!

I love this scene because it's so raw 

The anxious he shows is so real

No extra sound effect playing in the background 

His vibrate nervous voice tone sounds crystal clear

 

 

There got only 2 man in the room and upon he come out from the bathroom, 

the suspicious mind of Jun Woo is alarming trying to perceive if that dude is not infected

My heart beating so rapidly in this very first scene rather than other scenes

Maybe due to how close they are standing in front of each other 

and how close Jun Woo is to his own death

 

• Slay Yoo Bin

The 3 minutes of Yoo Bin's show is too short for me but I appreciate that nail-biting scene 

when u can't even blink your eyes to watch how Park Shin Hye axing the zombies violently with her left hand

It is quite tense and badass

 

Still remember how slay she is, fighting alone with the gangster during her first day transferred to the new hospital in The Doctor drama series

She got skills and talent but the fight scene always soo little 

I hope to see her more doing fighting scene

 

• The Ahjussi

Most of the conflict scenes were really good and they should keep it, really..

One of the biggest conflict here which deserve plaudit is the scenes at the Ahjussi's house

The identity of the Ahjussi is quite mystery and he was portrayed as a grown man 

who keep something in his sleeve as if he is transfixing them or anything

 

 

But turn out, Wow!!

I impressed when the cat out of the bag

I never thought of the outcome so extra mark for that

• The soundtrack

It's so weird for me to include this but, the soundtrack at 11th minutes and the music playing before Jun Woo 'hallucinating' scene really enlighten the atmosphere 

It was so good and cool I would say

 

So I guess, that's all

I recommend this film to anyone who want to see new approach of zombies film

          Even though it is not the best zombie movie and lacking here an there but I could say that 

it is indeed one of the excellent movie for zombie/disease epidemic genre.

Happy watching!

~ the end ~