Who is the actual weirdo?

We always picturing fake scenario in our head

What we want it to be
How we want it to be

But end up we questioning
Why it doesn't seems like what we aimed
We want to be unique
But turn out we being the same

We choose something to make us contented
But instead it makes us frustrated
We ditch someone who we feel disturbing
They do nothing but try to be caring

We pay attention to someone far away
But neglecting the one sitting in front
We infuriate over a petty fault they say
But forgot to protect our tongue

We mad at people who don't understand
But there is no guideline
We can't see someone working hard
But we didn't open up

S.T.R.E.S.S

 

STRESS ni bukan benda baru gais
Dah dibincangkan mungkin berkurun lamanya
Mungkin daripada zaman tok nenek moyang kita lagi
Bukan setakat remaja dan dewasa saja
Hatta kanak2 pun barangkali boleh stress juga yaaa

Keserabutan
Tertekan
Tak tenteram
Risau
Rasa nak marah
dan macam2 lagi frasa yang selalu kita guna

Tapi pada akhirnya, merujuk kepada satu benda iaitu, stress

Aku tak bercadang untuk pisahkan unsur spritual dalam entry kali ni
Sebab pi mai pi mai, dia p kot situ jugak

Back to Allah

Benda tu semua orang faham

Cuma dalam memahami konteks permasalahan individu, tak adil jugak kalau nak tinggalkan seseorang dengan nasihat berbau spritual secara tunggal sahaja
Mesti kena merungkai cabang-cabang yang lain jugak kennn??

Aku selalu ja dengar sesetengah motivasi guna teori "feeling is do'a"
Which means,
apa yang hang rasa, hang fikir , itu yang reflect kehidupan kita
"aku sedih", so hang akan sedih laa
"aku stress", "aku marah", "aku takk okay"
Kepercayaan, apa yang kita fikir, cakap, rasa,
itu lah yang akan terjadi
So katanya kita kena buat reverse psychology.
Ubah negativiti itu dah tukar kepada kata antonym words
"aku happy", "aku tak stress", "aku tak marah pun", "aku okay"
So secara miracles nya, nanti slowly hilang perasaan kita tu

Walaupun reverse psikologi ni kedengaran seperti "wow!!!! so magic!"
But like I said before, this will just bring us in a denial state
We might feel "OK" in a split second but it's just for temporary
and that things will keep coming over again and again
But till when we want to lie to ourself?

Okay. Aku akui, ada waktu aku apply teknik reverse psychology
It works sometimes
If u gaisss selesa dengan cara ini, aku fully recommend u gais to use this method

But here I want to share my own method of facing the STRESS

This is how I handle STRESS
Sometimes it helps but sometimes it doesn't

Tapi  personally, kalau aku stress, susah hati ka apa2 perasaan y tak bes aku selalu buat mcm ni..

Steps di bawah ni hangpa akan buat lepas dah selesai spiritual deed macam semayang atau zikir, istighfar dsb..
So bila dah setel salah satu di atas baru lah relevan untuk ikut steps bawah ni gaiss

Benda first hangpa akan buat adalah

1. Acknowledege perasaan stress
Kadang2 ramai skip steps ni sebab masih di fasa in denial
Aku tak galakkan budaya denial ni sebab sometimes kita kena akui dan hormati apa yang kita RASA

Gini lah..
kalau hangpa rasa tak sedap hati, rasa serabut, stress, hangpa kena STOP sekejap apa yang hangpa tengah buat
Kemudian start fikir dan tanya diri sendiri balik....

"eh kenapa aku stress ni??"
"apa yang buat aku rasa serabut sangat ni??"

Sebenarnya kadang kita tak tahu dan tak sedar pun STRESS sedang membaluti kita
Tak semena2 dia sedang memeluk dan mengawal perasaan, percakapan dan tindakan kita
Tahu2, muka dah masam, ayaq mata dan berlinang, hempas2 pintu, hentak2 kali, punggai henpon pecah berderai gittcheww overnya 😚

Sebab tu penting untuk kita duduk sat, dan tahu, kenapa..
:
"Kenapa kita stress?"
Kadang2 steps ni buat kita tersenyum tersipul2 sendiri sebab...
"Lahhh aku stress sebab pin tudung hilang..."🤭

Ya la..alang2 nak stress biaq la atas sebab muhasabah kan...baru berbaloi..
Tapi...
hangpa jangan ingat aku memperlehkan perasaan STRESS seseorang pulak gaiss

Semua perasaan yang kita rasa ni valid ja
Kalau tak pernah stress tu pelik jugak kann..
Apa kamu manusia atau pokok hiasan?
Kok nga punya perasaan sihhh
Stress tu normal gaiss karna kita manusia
Cuma kita tengah borak pasal nak atasi stress ni
Kalau boleh biar la berkurang stress kita tu gaiss..

Kan tak best kalau stress sebab stress boleh take over productivity kita
Dan paling kesian, orang sebelah pun terasa bahang stress nya gaishh
Tak mahu la macam tu kann

So.
Back to step 1 ni, bila hang dah tau, "sebab stress", so terjawab lah...

"ohh....stress sebab tadi kerja tu susah , aku tak faham"
"ohhh aku down sbb orang marah2 aku"
"ohhh aku stress sebab bunyi bising mengganggu"
"Rupanya stress sebab aku penat"
"Stress sebab orang tak faham aku"
"Stress sebab henpon hang lembab or wifi hang slow"

So bila dah dapat jawapan ni proceed steps seterusnya la pulak gais..

2. Hangpa kena figure out dulu
Sama ada
a) aku MAMPU ubah situasi
b) aku TAK MAMPU ubah situasi

Tapi macam mana pulak hang nak tau hang mampu atau tak?

Jawapan tu ada pada hang sendiri
Contoh simple:
Hang tengah buat kerja, dan ada benda yang  mengganggu fokus hang contohnya bunyi bising orang bertelagah dalam bahasa yang tidak difahami ditambah pulak pitching suara yang tinggi, melebihi julat frekuansi normal yang mampu diserap oleh gegendang telinga
Aduhh! Sungguh menyerabutkan bila mendengar suara2 bertelagah itu walaupun depa tak gaduh dengan hang pun 🤣

So, hang pun STRESS dan mengganggu kerja hang

Hang boleh buat apa?
Tanya diri hang sendiri.

Adakah hang mampu untuk ubah situasi tu?
Adakah hang boleh buat aduan kat HR atau boss hang?
Adakah hang boleh p tegur depa direct supaya hormat orang sekeliling?
Kalau hang rasa hang mampu dan perlu untuk bersuara, jadi bersuara lah

Tapi kalau tak mampu dan tak perlu untuk sampai tahap tu, so hang kena terima hakikat yang hang TAK MAMPU ubah situasi tu

Kat sini, hang kena buat sesuatu untuk atasi stress tu dalam keadaan hang tak boleh ubah orang lain

Kalau hang memilih untuk biasakan diri dengan environment tu, dan remain silent, buat lah

Tapi hang ada cara2 lain lagi sebenarnya iaitu..baca point seterusnya

3. LUAH LA WEYY

hang kena luahkan perasaan hang!
Yaaaa! Luahkan wehhh!!!!!

Benda, kalau duk pendam, aduhh, sakitnya tuh bikin nambah stress dong

Kalau aku, aku akan tulis
Tulis di mana2 saja
Tapi selalunya dalam notepad fon aku lah
aku buat mcm personal diari
aku tulis semua dalam tu tak tapis2

What I feel
What's happening
What makes me uncomfortable

Everything
so aku rasa lega sikit
Tulis ja weh, halah2..bukan rugi pun

4. MUTUAL attraction

Next, kita manusia attracts kepada MUTUAL
apa sahaja yang mutual kita suka
Mutual thinking, mutual benefit, mutual taste, dan mutual problem

Contoh macam analogi orang bising2 kat ofis
So kita p la kat kawan kita, bagitau
Luahkan, bagitau yang kita tak selesa
Rupanya kawan kita pun tak selesa dengan kebisingan tu juga so ada geng!
Apa lagi heret kawan hang p pantry minum2 dulu untuk lari sekejap dari tense tersebut

"Lahhhh senang ja nak hilangkan stress"

Cara lain?🤣


5. ESCAPING & PUT limitation

Hang capai earphones dan putarkan lagu kegemaranmu!

Wahhhh cara2 kat atas ini sepertinya tengah ESCAPING from problem saja🤭🤣

Soalnya, apa kamu punya pilihan yang lain?😚

Itu analogi ya gaisss

Pendek kata, kalau kita tak boleh ubah situasi, kita buat sesuatu perubahan pada diri

Dan kawan aku pernah cakap, setiap ujian ada limitasi
Kita kena letak limit, sampai bila kita nak bertahan dengan sesuatu benda tu

Jangan terlalu lama tempoh stress tu
Sebab kita berhak untuk tidak stress dan
berhak bebas dari unpleasant feelings tersebut
Kita sebenarnya berhak bahagia

Cehhh, ngomong soal HAK ajaaaa terus terusan 🤣

Tapi benaran loh gaiss
Sometimes, ESCAPING is a bless
We are not a coward but we just love ourselves
Because, at the end of the day,
All we all want is to be happy

Aku pernah jumped out from a place and challenged myself at the new place because
I had enough
Am I giving up to early?
Nope. I gave my very best, I
I worked hard to still stay and be relevant
I try to overcome my stress
I seek help
I did almost everything I could
but I have limit
And when the due date come, I moved
Am I ESCAPING?
YES I did and that is my best desicion for that year
Alhamdulillah
I have fully overcome my stress by ESCAPING
😍🥳

Sebab kalau kita duk pendam saja, kan sakit hati tuuu
Jiwa pun merana kan gaishhh
Rugi weh stress lama2 ni
Banyak lagi benda kita terlepas bila kita stress

We can't enjoy things
We have constant anxious
We unable to say what's in our hearts

Ruuuugi😞

That's why ESCAPING is one of the best choice

Don't push ourselves to some level where we can't cope
Sometimes there is a thing that never meant for us
We just got to been there, done that just to take the experience
And it didn't means forever, just RnR 😍

"Orang lain boleh, kenapa aku tak boleh"

This toxic positivity sometimes might slowly kill us
Our capabilities are different
You are YOU
You might not good in something or some place but u can excell in other ways

Don't limit our potential just to prove that we are strong, faithful, patient and loyal

Nothing to prove, gaisss
Our distress, anxious, nervousness and STRESS did nothing but keeps fuelling and torturing ourselves and we all don't want that 💞

Bila aku tulis pasal cara handle stress, bukan bermaksud aku dah berjaya atasi stress setiap kali dia menyinggah

Tapi itulah ikhtiar yang aku boleh buat bila stress tu datang

Whatever it is, remember that stress is normal
And Allah already has solutions in every problem that we have

I hope when I have a bad time in future, I will look back this entry
and remind myself that Allah always loves me ❤

Pudar

Menyapa longlai subuh yang baru
Tak terasa semalam berlalu
Hari demi hari menunggu
Tapi tak lagi berbekas rasa rindu

Rawan, rajuk simpan sendiri
Andai dihebah tak ada yang mengerti
Tak kekok menari di cermin sendiri
Tak hirau sesiapa lagi

Pasrah dia sebenar-benarnya
Ikut hati mahu pulang saja
Tak perlu tunggu senja
Permandangan lebih indah di sebelah sana.

MORNING GLORY

 

The sunrise pours it's first ray light
over the greenery grass
Alhamdulillah
Another dawn from Him

I saw pearls of dew on the flowers petals
My front yard is full of ebullient colourful flowers planted by my green fingers parents

I heard the bird chirping with their own unique symphony
They begin to awaken started early in the morning
They were like passing message to each other with their own language and it sounds like
Sending>Receiving>Replying
It syncs pretty well
Probably telling each other about where to hunt for food in their territory
The tweeting sound is so mysterious
Might also indicate freedom and pleasant day coming
Oh Allah!
This is too beautiful to be described into word

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Several months ago,
all I heard is
vehicle honking and moving
Loud ambulance or police sirens is like a regular melody I have been listening once in a day
Started my boring morning routine talking to no one after my roomie went out for work

I stared at the TV and steal a glimpse at the clock
Ohh, got few hours before my shift started

Doing laundry and hanging clothes
Put my hijab on and changed to my long sleeve favourite jersey
Staggering my feet to the kitchen
"Hoi hoi..ehemm!!"
Clearing throat cause my voice sounds like an ageing cat whining for food
Opening my fridge and see nothing but leftovers food and an ounce of expired milk
Yes! Exactly. Why on earth that I still left empty container in fridge
Either me or my roomie did that hahahah
Picking up all the unused items
put together along my rubbish at the corner to ease my job later
Pushed elevator's button to 'LG' and heading outside from the apartment units
I walked alone on the road side with my bent rib grey umbrella
It's 80% perfectly functioning
My beautiful classy umbrella was left at my office so I got no choice but to utilise this inadequate umbrella for the sake of UV light protection

Arrived at the shops lot after 10 minutes leisure walking
Went to the wet market getting some vegetables and grocery at the Muslim grocery store outside

Getting some food for 3 days and went back home

Puzzling my items in my fridge took me a while
Then after, I cooked simple dish and rest

I rarely cooked and usually ordered from
e-hailing system, waiting my door knocked to receive my dinner or lunch set
The reasons is nothing much
Either I'm lazy, tired, got no enough time or no mood at all
It's dangerous as I believe in food to make me happier and feeling contented
This habit is risky for my pocket and my belly

And the life goes....
Getting my work done, eating, looking outside of the window from level 10,
chatting with my roomie, updating social media, praying and sleeping ~

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


So that's it
I'm truly apologise if u wait for some tips or inspiring daily journey of mine cause I can't serve u one

It's pretty much the same for daily practice
My life is just simple and nothing exciting to be flexed to the public or acquaintance

I'm a "makan gaji" employee who doing part time small online business

I always thought that I'm not a person to be look up to
I'm a person who sometimes has no avid ambition, clear career path or big dream
I'm a laidback girl who used to grab whatever come first

At certain point in my life, I lost motivation to start over
I'm not easily to hold up when I'm at the edge of cliff
Sometimes when I fell to the ground, I'm clueless, unable to clean my own bruise
Just waiting for rescue team to come over

I was once paralyzed, spiritually
My emotions is easy to be killed by surrounding
That is why I started to keep my circle small
Begin to unsee anything that could stir me up

I could pretend like nothing happened
I did my job imperfectly fine and laid in my bed then after
I feels like I have been doing the same routine and less talking to human being for the past months
It makes me trapped in my little bubble
I may looks hella fine but my heart,
yearning for peaceful and warm attention from my parents and family after months stranded on the other side of the world
due to pandemic

I wrote a line in my entry on my 26th birthday
Something like.."...all I wanted is spending more times with my parents, helping them doing chores or running errands.."
I remembered writing that line with an emotional feeling
At that time, I do not have any big dream
I just want to go back home town for some fresh ambiance
Some different sight, different vibes and different lifestyles


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Months after, I suddenly got chance to go back hometown due to some personal reason
It was so unpredictable
Starting from that, I have been 'working from kampung'
My routine changed, my sight changed and everything seems brand new

Alhamdulillah, I got chance to fast and Raya with my family
During Ramadhan I always make specific dua non stop
In that period of time, my courage lit up as I finally got my own dream, I clearly see what I want and desire in my life
I put in in a proper sentence and recite it every day and night

But, when the day passed by, I realized that my du'a seems not be granted
I slowly seldom reciting that same dua' then after as I feel, maybe it's my fate that Allah did not allow me to have what I wanted

Then I continued my days with less hoping for what I have been wishing before
I enjoy my day, spending my precious time with family as if nothing happened
But deep inside I feel quite sorrowful especially when I'm suddenly thinking of that particular thing that triggers me

Few days ago, while texting with my besties, I told her that if someone ask me if I'm happy, I would definitely say
"I'm happy". That is because without realizing, Allah actually has granted my du'a that I recite, last year.
I currently enjoying spending time with my parents which I had never experienced during my young age as I always lived far away from them since 13 years old
I was touched by her word of wisdom when she said..
"Allah listening to our du'a and will grant our dua' at the perfect time one by one"

I feel slapped on my face as I was once has feelings that Allah ignores my wish and I even feel give up of making dua' just because Allah didn't give what I want according to my timing

I was so wrong to think that way
How could I assume that the One who loves me the most, neglecting my du'a
While He is the one concerns about me and never left me behind

Allah The Most Merciful granted my wish that I made last year
which I currently enjoying

Living with my parents is the biggest bless this year that I have nothing to lose anymore ❤



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I'm smiling while taking picture of flowers in my front yard
This is a blessing that fleetingly gives me immense pleasure❤