In these recent years, I have never had any best friends
I did have some close friends which I considered them as "bestfriend" but I no longer do that now because of some reasons
When I was in my teen age, I just noticed that those who I thought as best friends are not actually best friends
They are mere close friends
Friends whom I used to hang out with, accompanied me everywhere,
sitting side by side during classes and
doing crazy things together
We were getting close due to several reasons and occasions
I no longer believe in "best friends relationship" thingy
One of it is because I think it is a commitment
When I acknowledge someone as a best friend, I was thinking that
there is a commitment for each other to get knowing almost everything about each other
But not knowing everything make us stick together as a friend, right?
In my way of thinking, if u called someone as your best friend, they deserve to know everything
I have some old friends a.k.a childhood friends whom I currently seldom interact with
But there is a special connection between us that makes me think that they are my bestfriend
We knew everything about each other's personal details back then
But as the time passed by, we got separated due to timing reason and watching each other's progress from screen
We didn't know much about each other anymore
There is no one is wrong here
It just the matter of fate
But deep in my heart, I always remember about them and the fond memories still in my heart
Sometimes they appear in my dream as well
It is saddening when I think that they are my best friend but I feel that they didn't think the same
I was several times felt that I am not matter to them anymore
I even missed out some important things happened in their life
and I have not been informed about remarkable things about them as well
My heart feel quite heavy to talk about this
because I really nurture a friendship but got keeping out makes me feel sad sometimes
It is not only a disappointment
but it is quite tiring for me to take everything seriously into my heart
Thus, I told myself,
We don't get to know someone because we have to
We get to know them because we are willing to
People share when they feel like doing so
They have right to hide it as they want
We might once standing at the same junction on the roadside
But, our life lead us to different path then after
We are growing up and getting older day by day
I don't want to take into my heart when people exclude me in anything
I don't want them to feel guilty of not checking me out every now and then
and I don't want to feel any guilty of not knowing everything about them either
From that moment, I choose to not address any friend as my best friend anymore
I want to break free from those expectations in friendship that I was once dictate 😃
I do have several close friends
These close friends knew only some portions of my whole life story
I have a close friend but we are far apart in distance
I feel ashamed of myself to address her as my best friend
and even more ashamed to call my self as her best friend
Why?
Because I am lacking of information about her
She is the one who I always looking for where I pouring out my very personal matters and feelings
I do know her personal things as well
but
I don't know about her as much as she know about me
I always confuse about her siblings number and even never knew their name
There are many things that I still not know about her
so how could I call her as my best friend and
how could she thought me as her best friend?
Here's a thing
I set my bar quite high for a relationship called 'best friend'
My best friend should be someone who know everything about me and I knew everything about them
Their personal feelings, their love story, their family matters, their struggle, their hardest time, their insecurity and almost everything
Yes
To that extend
That is me
A best friend is not just a friend who close to me
That is why, until this very day, I don't have any best friend
I yet to reach that level
I do have people where I share about A but that person having no idea about B
And there is another person who knows everything about B but know nothing about A
A, B, C or D could be about anything
Either regarding my family matters, my insecurity, my works, my sickness, my financial, my lover, my daily life and stuff
I don't share everything to only one person
I'll go to first person to share silly jokes or some gags due to how synchronize our brains are
I'll not looking for that first person again for another issue that oppose her scope of interest
I'll find another person to express my view regarding some random thought to discuss together
There is different person for different thing respectively
As for me, "best friend" never exist.
We will stay just F.R.I.E.N.D and I am super okayyyy with that 😍
