Live This Way

Without we realize, we are all suffocating inside

we might look okay apparently

even introvert people started to taste emptiness and loneliness

even we are surrounded with friends, parents, siblings, spouse or kids

the feelings still there

I can't imagine how terrible people feel living alone, no one accompany

it kills slowly

our normal lifestyle being denied

we can't visit our friends

no lepaking at kedai makan anymore

some people even don't meet their parents for like a year or more than that

it's horrible

back in 2019, no one having idea that this pandemic will be this bad

are we take previous years for granted?

People are dying

If last year, we heard about people on the other place lost their families, 

but now, it's getting nearer

hospital are full with people carrying lethal disease, some untreated

Some people struggle to put food on table everyday

Some are fired, some lost courage to start over

too much tears flooding

too much tribulation 

but guess what,

fighting this turbulent is not worse than dealing with people behavior

our patience and faith being tested every single days

lot of bad news and issues lingering everyday, strike us in a row

How exhausted it was

everyone is struggling

even there is some silver lining on the other hand but trust me, 

each of us got our own struggle, 

and silent battle that we didn't speak about

alhamdulliah thumma alhamdulliah

personally, I'm not so much affected with this pandemic (in term of surviving mentally and emotionally)

maybe this is due to how familiar it was, from the recent years

maybe it just "live this way" for me

same feelings I have encountered

everyday try new thing to get rid of that feelings

it might not gone completely

but slowly fading away

what do I do to overcome those uncomfortable predicaments that keep coming?

nothing much I can do 

I just started to read books

Finished 3 books for twenty twenty one, other 3 books on the way  wallawehhh!!

it's quite fascinating for me considering myself who are NOT an avid bookworm

I started to bake since months ago, even it's not my forte

I'm not into sweet things, and the process before and after is renyah oso..

but I still did it

Do it till u like it yeah!!

emmm, that is all

the rest is just let the day passed by

always finding something new, just to distract my self 

trying to keep sane & contented

*btw, I'm considering to get myself a white-pinky mini bike 

that has rattan basket in front so that I can go cycling & feeling-feeling cute at the same time. 

Once I get it, I will definitely flex it here okay 😜😘

Untold Sour

Do people realize that when they catch feelings for someone, 

they tend to make themselves visible in someone's eyes

they want that particular special human being to see, 

how their life's going

how they mingle with their close people

their witty, cool and attractive side

even sometimes excited to let that people notice how they looks like, their outfit in daily basis

all the stories is not for everybody, but only to 1 person to see

funny, is it?

wanting to be noticed

to be 'likeable' 

have u done that?

if u did, don't be shy

this is a cute gesture when a person feel head over heels for someone, 

nothing is wrong

even sometimes when u look back at who you were in the past, 

u will  be like

"what was that?" 

"why did I act that way?"

no one to blame except u, yourself,

just smile, at least, u had went thru that immature, simp and silly phase in your life

The feeling of 'appearing engaging' is usually happening in the very first stage in relationship

They didn't mean to be serious about getting into a relationship

It's always about YOU in the beginning

You don't really know about that 1 person on the other side

It's about controlling what u can control 

U feel insecure

U dont want people to see your flaws

U limit yourself, sometimes filter unnecessary disturbing things that might block the way 

But when the relationship slowly getting far, 

here the real game start

u will start to act other way around

Showing weakness is not a big deal anymore

True color is façade

It's about being the real YOU

The discussion is way more serious than before

No candy anymore, it's all sour all the way ~

Who is the actual weirdo?

We always picturing fake scenario in our head

What we want it to be
How we want it to be

But end up we questioning
Why it doesn't seems like what we aimed
We want to be unique
But turn out we being the same

We choose something to make us contented
But instead it makes us frustrated
We ditch someone who we feel disturbing
They do nothing but try to be caring

We pay attention to someone far away
But neglecting the one sitting in front
We infuriate over a petty fault they say
But forgot to protect our tongue

We mad at people who don't understand
But there is no guideline
We can't see someone working hard
But we didn't open up

S.T.R.E.S.S

 

STRESS ni bukan benda baru gais
Dah dibincangkan mungkin berkurun lamanya
Mungkin daripada zaman tok nenek moyang kita lagi
Bukan setakat remaja dan dewasa saja
Hatta kanak2 pun barangkali boleh stress juga yaaa

Keserabutan
Tertekan
Tak tenteram
Risau
Rasa nak marah
dan macam2 lagi frasa yang selalu kita guna

Tapi pada akhirnya, merujuk kepada satu benda iaitu, stress

Aku tak bercadang untuk pisahkan unsur spritual dalam entry kali ni
Sebab pi mai pi mai, dia p kot situ jugak

Back to Allah

Benda tu semua orang faham

Cuma dalam memahami konteks permasalahan individu, tak adil jugak kalau nak tinggalkan seseorang dengan nasihat berbau spritual secara tunggal sahaja
Mesti kena merungkai cabang-cabang yang lain jugak kennn??

Aku selalu ja dengar sesetengah motivasi guna teori "feeling is do'a"
Which means,
apa yang hang rasa, hang fikir , itu yang reflect kehidupan kita
"aku sedih", so hang akan sedih laa
"aku stress", "aku marah", "aku takk okay"
Kepercayaan, apa yang kita fikir, cakap, rasa,
itu lah yang akan terjadi
So katanya kita kena buat reverse psychology.
Ubah negativiti itu dah tukar kepada kata antonym words
"aku happy", "aku tak stress", "aku tak marah pun", "aku okay"
So secara miracles nya, nanti slowly hilang perasaan kita tu

Walaupun reverse psikologi ni kedengaran seperti "wow!!!! so magic!"
But like I said before, this will just bring us in a denial state
We might feel "OK" in a split second but it's just for temporary
and that things will keep coming over again and again
But till when we want to lie to ourself?

Okay. Aku akui, ada waktu aku apply teknik reverse psychology
It works sometimes
If u gaisss selesa dengan cara ini, aku fully recommend u gais to use this method

But here I want to share my own method of facing the STRESS

This is how I handle STRESS
Sometimes it helps but sometimes it doesn't

Tapi  personally, kalau aku stress, susah hati ka apa2 perasaan y tak bes aku selalu buat mcm ni..

Steps di bawah ni hangpa akan buat lepas dah selesai spiritual deed macam semayang atau zikir, istighfar dsb..
So bila dah setel salah satu di atas baru lah relevan untuk ikut steps bawah ni gaiss

Benda first hangpa akan buat adalah

1. Acknowledege perasaan stress
Kadang2 ramai skip steps ni sebab masih di fasa in denial
Aku tak galakkan budaya denial ni sebab sometimes kita kena akui dan hormati apa yang kita RASA

Gini lah..
kalau hangpa rasa tak sedap hati, rasa serabut, stress, hangpa kena STOP sekejap apa yang hangpa tengah buat
Kemudian start fikir dan tanya diri sendiri balik....

"eh kenapa aku stress ni??"
"apa yang buat aku rasa serabut sangat ni??"

Sebenarnya kadang kita tak tahu dan tak sedar pun STRESS sedang membaluti kita
Tak semena2 dia sedang memeluk dan mengawal perasaan, percakapan dan tindakan kita
Tahu2, muka dah masam, ayaq mata dan berlinang, hempas2 pintu, hentak2 kali, punggai henpon pecah berderai gittcheww overnya 😚

Sebab tu penting untuk kita duduk sat, dan tahu, kenapa..
:
"Kenapa kita stress?"
Kadang2 steps ni buat kita tersenyum tersipul2 sendiri sebab...
"Lahhh aku stress sebab pin tudung hilang..."🤭

Ya la..alang2 nak stress biaq la atas sebab muhasabah kan...baru berbaloi..
Tapi...
hangpa jangan ingat aku memperlehkan perasaan STRESS seseorang pulak gaiss

Semua perasaan yang kita rasa ni valid ja
Kalau tak pernah stress tu pelik jugak kann..
Apa kamu manusia atau pokok hiasan?
Kok nga punya perasaan sihhh
Stress tu normal gaiss karna kita manusia
Cuma kita tengah borak pasal nak atasi stress ni
Kalau boleh biar la berkurang stress kita tu gaiss..

Kan tak best kalau stress sebab stress boleh take over productivity kita
Dan paling kesian, orang sebelah pun terasa bahang stress nya gaishh
Tak mahu la macam tu kann

So.
Back to step 1 ni, bila hang dah tau, "sebab stress", so terjawab lah...

"ohh....stress sebab tadi kerja tu susah , aku tak faham"
"ohhh aku down sbb orang marah2 aku"
"ohhh aku stress sebab bunyi bising mengganggu"
"Rupanya stress sebab aku penat"
"Stress sebab orang tak faham aku"
"Stress sebab henpon hang lembab or wifi hang slow"

So bila dah dapat jawapan ni proceed steps seterusnya la pulak gais..

2. Hangpa kena figure out dulu
Sama ada
a) aku MAMPU ubah situasi
b) aku TAK MAMPU ubah situasi

Tapi macam mana pulak hang nak tau hang mampu atau tak?

Jawapan tu ada pada hang sendiri
Contoh simple:
Hang tengah buat kerja, dan ada benda yang  mengganggu fokus hang contohnya bunyi bising orang bertelagah dalam bahasa yang tidak difahami ditambah pulak pitching suara yang tinggi, melebihi julat frekuansi normal yang mampu diserap oleh gegendang telinga
Aduhh! Sungguh menyerabutkan bila mendengar suara2 bertelagah itu walaupun depa tak gaduh dengan hang pun 🤣

So, hang pun STRESS dan mengganggu kerja hang

Hang boleh buat apa?
Tanya diri hang sendiri.

Adakah hang mampu untuk ubah situasi tu?
Adakah hang boleh buat aduan kat HR atau boss hang?
Adakah hang boleh p tegur depa direct supaya hormat orang sekeliling?
Kalau hang rasa hang mampu dan perlu untuk bersuara, jadi bersuara lah

Tapi kalau tak mampu dan tak perlu untuk sampai tahap tu, so hang kena terima hakikat yang hang TAK MAMPU ubah situasi tu

Kat sini, hang kena buat sesuatu untuk atasi stress tu dalam keadaan hang tak boleh ubah orang lain

Kalau hang memilih untuk biasakan diri dengan environment tu, dan remain silent, buat lah

Tapi hang ada cara2 lain lagi sebenarnya iaitu..baca point seterusnya

3. LUAH LA WEYY

hang kena luahkan perasaan hang!
Yaaaa! Luahkan wehhh!!!!!

Benda, kalau duk pendam, aduhh, sakitnya tuh bikin nambah stress dong

Kalau aku, aku akan tulis
Tulis di mana2 saja
Tapi selalunya dalam notepad fon aku lah
aku buat mcm personal diari
aku tulis semua dalam tu tak tapis2

What I feel
What's happening
What makes me uncomfortable

Everything
so aku rasa lega sikit
Tulis ja weh, halah2..bukan rugi pun

4. MUTUAL attraction

Next, kita manusia attracts kepada MUTUAL
apa sahaja yang mutual kita suka
Mutual thinking, mutual benefit, mutual taste, dan mutual problem

Contoh macam analogi orang bising2 kat ofis
So kita p la kat kawan kita, bagitau
Luahkan, bagitau yang kita tak selesa
Rupanya kawan kita pun tak selesa dengan kebisingan tu juga so ada geng!
Apa lagi heret kawan hang p pantry minum2 dulu untuk lari sekejap dari tense tersebut

"Lahhhh senang ja nak hilangkan stress"

Cara lain?🤣


5. ESCAPING & PUT limitation

Hang capai earphones dan putarkan lagu kegemaranmu!

Wahhhh cara2 kat atas ini sepertinya tengah ESCAPING from problem saja🤭🤣

Soalnya, apa kamu punya pilihan yang lain?😚

Itu analogi ya gaisss

Pendek kata, kalau kita tak boleh ubah situasi, kita buat sesuatu perubahan pada diri

Dan kawan aku pernah cakap, setiap ujian ada limitasi
Kita kena letak limit, sampai bila kita nak bertahan dengan sesuatu benda tu

Jangan terlalu lama tempoh stress tu
Sebab kita berhak untuk tidak stress dan
berhak bebas dari unpleasant feelings tersebut
Kita sebenarnya berhak bahagia

Cehhh, ngomong soal HAK ajaaaa terus terusan 🤣

Tapi benaran loh gaiss
Sometimes, ESCAPING is a bless
We are not a coward but we just love ourselves
Because, at the end of the day,
All we all want is to be happy

Aku pernah jumped out from a place and challenged myself at the new place because
I had enough
Am I giving up to early?
Nope. I gave my very best, I
I worked hard to still stay and be relevant
I try to overcome my stress
I seek help
I did almost everything I could
but I have limit
And when the due date come, I moved
Am I ESCAPING?
YES I did and that is my best desicion for that year
Alhamdulillah
I have fully overcome my stress by ESCAPING
😍🥳

Sebab kalau kita duk pendam saja, kan sakit hati tuuu
Jiwa pun merana kan gaishhh
Rugi weh stress lama2 ni
Banyak lagi benda kita terlepas bila kita stress

We can't enjoy things
We have constant anxious
We unable to say what's in our hearts

Ruuuugi😞

That's why ESCAPING is one of the best choice

Don't push ourselves to some level where we can't cope
Sometimes there is a thing that never meant for us
We just got to been there, done that just to take the experience
And it didn't means forever, just RnR 😍

"Orang lain boleh, kenapa aku tak boleh"

This toxic positivity sometimes might slowly kill us
Our capabilities are different
You are YOU
You might not good in something or some place but u can excell in other ways

Don't limit our potential just to prove that we are strong, faithful, patient and loyal

Nothing to prove, gaisss
Our distress, anxious, nervousness and STRESS did nothing but keeps fuelling and torturing ourselves and we all don't want that 💞

Bila aku tulis pasal cara handle stress, bukan bermaksud aku dah berjaya atasi stress setiap kali dia menyinggah

Tapi itulah ikhtiar yang aku boleh buat bila stress tu datang

Whatever it is, remember that stress is normal
And Allah already has solutions in every problem that we have

I hope when I have a bad time in future, I will look back this entry
and remind myself that Allah always loves me ❤