My heart extremely heavy
But I don't cry
It's just there. Lump in my throat
Last night is the final episode and
I was speechless on how engaging it was
I rarely see a top notch acting skills like that
To the script writer, we need to talk 😅
I off my phone, have deep thinking afterwards and sleep.
This morning
I woke up
My heart ached!
As if I was having a tormenting phase yesterday
All of sudden
I felt some tears rolled down my cheek effortlessly
*****************************************************************
Yes
This drama literally giving me a breakdown!
The poignant scene keeps appear in my head
again and again
How piteous that drama was, that it drags me into isolation feelings
Might also because of pandemic mood where loneliness already surrounds myself recently
Is this drama plays as a catalyst that continuing rip my feelings?😂
I'm not a cry-baby
I rarely cry over a drama/movie
As I cried several times only, I usually vividly remember when did it happened
especially for the recent years
One was in The Doctor, when Park Shin Hye's grandma died
The other one is in Descendant of Sun when a labour worker died in earthquake
I cried once, during Shin Yul read the will from Hwi Young in Chicago Typewriter
I shed my tears several times in Tough as Iron for the mother-son sad scenes
as well as in The Throne when So Ji Sub dancing in the last scene.
But this time, it is quite bizarre
I shed no tears along the 16 episodes but crying only AFTER finish all the series
It indeed left a remarkable feelings inside my heart
a very deep one.
I called it a masterpiece and finally decided to describe it into words.
I don't overlook this kind of art this time. I watched it and I felt it.
I was thinking, there is no use if I watched thousand of kdrama or movies
but the affection between the
leads doesn't left a remarkable feelings in mine.
So I would say that,
this is the
BEST
ROMANCE/MELODRAMA
I HAVE EVER WATCHED IN KDRAMA!😍
 |
| Immersed calmness of 2 lovebirds playing invisible piano on bridge. Hauntingly beautiful. |
I realize that this kind of romance love story rarely exists in Kdrama recently
I'm longing for some 'realistic' atmosphere
I started to become less interested into the shabby one
There were a lot of Kdrama that served 'untouchable' and 'runaway supermodel' looks
for the main casting
There were also a lot of
cliché romance story where a girl met a guy and hate each other
then the guy purposely patronizing the girl,
make her hate him so much more just to hide his feelings,
and the guy seems always appear as a savior
in every hard situation the girl encountering,
then they suddenly falling in love,
started develop feelings,
then they become a legal couple and start dating,
having a good time, holding hand, hug, getting married,
having a satisfy happy ending that 'you want it to be'
I'm not saying those are not good
Some Rom-Com series are fun to watch
I sometimes prefer that kind of love story, when I just want a light-hearted drama
But Secret Love Affair(SLA) surprisingly having a different dynamic,
the unique one,
unusual love story
I would say it is a mature relationship
that make me realize...
'Love' indeed has a broad spectrum in life
Purity
is the first thing that come across my mind
when picturing about SLA
Ironically,
Secret Love Affairs is not as nasty and cheap as it might sound
'Affair', 'Age Gap', 'Forbidden Love'
Yes. All of these elements do exist but
that's not all of this drama was about
They will bring you to a whole different and fresh perspective instead
and u will see something unfold along the series
Some declined it beforehand just because the female lead way older than the male lead
But don't judge it too early . It is a clear warning
U will end up madly in love with them even in the first episode
It is incredible
This drama is skillfully written, having very thoughtful line, directed expertly by the production.
The cinematography is outstanding!
If u happened to watch some indie movies, u will feel the same vibes in this drama.
The camera angle is really something!
Every particular angle, lighting, prop are very carefully placed
Watch it again and again
The angle purposely focused on the message they want to express
Spoiler: The trembling hand, the way Sun Jae wipes the floor, clean the seat, turns Hye Won's shoes inwardly in front of the door, softly prepares mattress and blanket for Hye Won, Sun Jae's eyes looking at Hye Won without saying a word, and the list goes on
They were soooo detail and sharp.
It is one of a kind
Characters, scripts, instrumental, everything
I'm not even hit the fast forward button for the 'piano scene playing' although it took 10 minutes on that
I found that it was not a mere pianist hitting the keyboard
If someone asking me who is the character whom I like the most in Kdrama that I have ever watched,
I will definitely say,
Lee Sun Jae.
Now I knew, why my heart got stirred after finishing this series.
First is because of the piteous love
story and the second rigid reason is definitely because I feel madly in love with character Lee Sun Jae.
Have u ever feel this way? When u totally falling for a
character. How pure, pious, original, sensitive and genuine is the character the drama served.
Lee Sun Jae is molded in that particular way where you can see no holes but only perfection in his
imperfect personality.
His character will make you move with tears every time he shed his tears in silent.
Maybe this is why we called this as a melodrama.
It will breaks the stereotype and stripped off the belief of toxic masculinity.
"a man must owns a tough heart and should not express feelings. "
How cruel is that to deny the man's right. Regardless gender,
we laugh and cry. We enjoy and endure. That is how normal people live. How
can we consider ourselves as an normal human being when we can't express our own feeling
towards life.
Lee Sun Jae doesn't exaggerating 'too good to be true' heroic character
He just there, being honest and
REAL.
Lee Sun Jae is an abnormal character for Kdrama
but undeniably real character of a 'person'.
Who is Lee Sun Jae?
Lee Sun Jae is not rich and even born in an inadequate house with his mother and not having too
many friends. He lives in a mundane and moderate life and he seems having no issues with that.
If u have watched his previous movie/drama, The Punch, Tough as Iron, Chicago Typewriter,
Veteran or another Sageuk series,
he seems to appear as a high-strung, powerful, full or rage, hot-tempered young man.
Saying vulgarity words, cursing, getting mad easily and stuff. But in this drama,
he never curse or say dirty words.
His mother raised him very well.
Spoiler:
There is a scene when Hye Won visits him and asking about his mother. Hye Won praised her mother
for raising him well. Sun Jae nodded and laughed. He added "I don't curse much like my friends do".
He seems so proud to been raised in that way by her mother.
In spite of his moderate life, he indeed owns a beautiful heart
After finishing school, he doing part time job which is service delivering
As a courier boy, no one
having ideas about him and no one acknowledge him as well. His life is so simple. He just has an old,
classic piano left by his former tenant at his renthouse.
But the fact is, he is indeed a passionate genius pianist
who is a self-learner, studying piano score sheet by his own but able to play piano
as if he is in his own world and capture thousands heart!
Talking about the character, there is a clash between the character of these two main leads.
Audience can see that Hye Won seems so strong and bold inside and outside. Indeed she is strong,
skillful in her job including as a Piano Teacher as well as her high position in the institution. She
belongs to upper class woman.
But she is actually 'keeping skeleton in her closet'.
It slowly dragged her to live such a prison life for years. She hesitates to
left everything and would rather live that way. Her life is mysterious and audience need to dig in more
to figure out how did her life encapsulating everything and how her life gets Sun Jae
to involve along in the midst of politics, power gap, corruptions, orders and
conflict that trapped them in.
Hye Won's character develops so precisely started from the beginning.
Unlike Hye Won, Sun Jae seems soft outside and inside. I have no idea how he speaks his dialogue
with vibrating and slight nervous voice tone. The way he speaks his line makes me forgot that he is
Yoo Ah In who is bold and strong character outside. He really disappeared into his character. 😨
Looking to his way of expressing his dialogue, I remember how Shah Rukh Khan(SRK)
nervously utters the line in Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham when he confronts Hritick Roshan,
his brother at London.
With trembling voice, Rahul asks his brother Rohan at the lake,
"is father send you here?"
"how u lost your weight?"
"i know mother loves me more than u",
with teary eyes but chuckles a bit with smiling at the end. It's so mesmerizing.
That is my
sensitive point. I love SRK character when he speaks with vibration and nervous voice tone.
Seeing Sun Jae in Secret Love Affair put my heart at peace as I love his way of speaking.
He looks like afraid but trying to persist forth of speaking his mind.
He is brave but never left his nervousness behind. He just speaks
his mind without thinking of consequences. I love that audacity.
In fact, he is bold and scared of nothing.
He is not a coward. His character is bluntly honest, he never hold back, he just say it loud and clear
that makes him even more attractive as a man.
He is only 20 years old in this drama, yet, owns a very mature and simple mind.
He has another level of view to define 'life'.
He even several times, provokes Hye Won, his love one about the 'life perspective'.
When he speaks, he speaks his heart but seeing her love one cries makes him even more hurting but he
still persist to convey his view without hesitation.
He is honest and don't bother others. Just busy mending his life and embracing love in
front of him. What he cares is 'piano' and 'Hae Won'. These 2 things complete his life.
His desire is to love and being loved by Hae Won. That speaks his actions and words.
I'm not sure if this kind of human being truly exist.
How he portrays his love by emotion can be seen when he feels hurt
even more terribly than his woman feel.
In this series, we can see there is so many time Lee Sun Jae show his devastation
and frustration every time he watches Hye Won hurting and sufferings inside.
I rarely found this kind of gesture in another romance drama before.
I mean, u can see the guy helping the girl, save the girl in
danger, when that guy get angry whenever those antagonist character hurt the girl and stuff.
But it's hard to find a guy who deeply feel what his girl feel.
This is the things that I want to emphasize.
Sometimes what a man can do is hugging and consoling the girl. It is more than enough to be with your
girl in her low moment. Even though u can't immensely feeling deep into your heart about what the girl
feel, a man who tried to console his girl deserves plaudit. I'm gonna give credit for that.
But to truly feel what is churning inside the girl's heart is unusual and not as easy
as saying
'I love you'
or
'it's okay, I'm here with you'.
Truly feels what the girl feel is beyond hugging, patting her shoulder and saying comforting words.
I mean, if men has that capability of truly feel what the girl feels, that is a bonus point for them.
When a man feels her girl's feeling, he already diving into the bottom of her heart and he is right there,
in her shoes.
Even it is difficult to truly be in someone's shoes, Sun Jae can do that, effortlessly!
He can truly feels what her woman feels. That is the how far a love can do!
His eyes, his silent crying, gesture speaks his heart! 😭
Even the gesture already proving his love and understanding.
Talking about gesture, there is a few remarkable scene that left me unexplained feelings. It touch me
right into my heart.
It's every time he cried silently watching his woman hurts as if he is the one hurting.
Spoiler:
It's when he slowly covers his ear with his trembling hand when hearing Hye Won is forced to say
something that she didn't want to utter from her mouth during the media interview.
She found that his woman is terribly pitiful by saying that word. All is fake and not true at all but she
has to do it for the sake of interview in front of the media, husband and colleague when in fact,
she had never having a happy marriage with his husband.
His husband aware it as well and asking Hye Won to play along as a lovey dovey couple
in front of lenses.
Sun Jae knew that and he aware of his woman's ambience of marriage life. That what makes him hurt
seeing her suffers and uncomfortable.
He also feeling hurt seeing that, so the pain is double. What he
can do is hold his feeling and burst out tears on a brick wall on the roadside afterward.
 |
 |
| This is ultimate heartbreaking moment of Lee Sun Jae. U will never seen an actor crying his heart out like Yoo Ah in did in this whole drama. He cried quiet many time in here. His cry is incredibly natural and melancholy!😭 |
Spoiler:
There is a scene when Hye Won reveal what she's been doing during her past twenties life span and she
mentions several horrible terms/words that Sun Jae had rarely familiar with and it hits him really hard.
'social class', 'help the rich spend money', 'elegant slave',
Not because of the word. But the fact that, even hearing to it, is sickening, how about the person who
endure it? It is even more painful!
That makes he shook up to realize that Hye Won went through a lot more terrible life in her twenties
even until present. (unfold story)
She utters the words while smiling cynically, without batting an eye, as she thinks that it is her fate to
live in such life. But Sun Jae who is hearing that, can't hold his feelings.
His body is shaking, his hand is trembling and his voice quivering trying to reply Hae Won after
hearing those things.
Hye Won scolds him for being emotional like a kid. He can't resist because it hurts him so much.
Right after Hye Won leave the piano room, he then cried like a baby! 😭
This is not about a guy being clingy or anything people might thinks but it is the fact that he can't stand
seeing his love one suffering. What a sensitive pure soul. 😭
Whenever Sun Jae expresses his love thru tears, my eyes nearly popped up out and I slowly muttering...
"no way! he definitely loves her more than she loves herself!!!!"
That is soooooo crystal clear! U can tell.
I even fall in love with Sun Jae when he never care about other person.
My favorite line is 'I'm not the one who dance in front of people to impress them'.
I was moved several times in this drama. One of them is when Sun Jae mention that he meets so many
people everyday, but they didn't even acknowledge him, they didn't care him and he
don't care about
them either. But Hye Won is the first person listen to him playing piano, even playing with him,
asking about his life,
acknowledge him.
He even said that after he played piano in front of people for the first time after years playing alone
in his house makes him feel like born again!
What he wants in life is
'he wants to play piano'
and
'he wants to play piano for Hye Won'
This is what his life is about. The competition, the championship, the university he's entering into is all
because of her. She is definitely his muse, goddess teacher and lover.
For me, Yoo Ah In is weirdly attractive that he can successfully brings this side of a man's character
into a drama
He can fully portray the character
as a young man who madly in love with someone 20 years age gap from him.
I mean, there are many more incredible actors out there but to portray a love for an older
woman is extremely difficult and I personally think that the actor who suits this is, one and only Yoo Ah In.
Even Kim Hae Ae also mentioned that there is no young actor can carry this character
except Yoo Ah In. 😍
For Kim Hae Ae, I have no doubt for her absolute talent. She is so elegant and versatile actress and I
even respect her more and more after watching Secret Love Affair. I can't name a senior actress who is
incredibly natural like her and there is no other senior actress that can replace Kim Hae Ae as Hye Won😭
She is acting but it doesn't seems that she is acting because it looks so real!
Kim Hae Ae and Yoo Ah In
is a perfect match ever...
As I explore their characters, I have come to realize that their characters are really something.
I watched it and I see only Sun Jae and Hye Won
Now I understand the difference between
carrying the character
and
become the character
They both totally become the character
When they speak their dialogue, they looks like murmuring.
I heard Yoo Ah In once said in an interview, that when acting, he usually
don't speak the character in a proper way. He sometimes purposely slip his tongue to utter his dialogue.
That makes an acting become natural, real and not turn it into NG take. I guess actors should saying the
character in more natural way. I mean, sometimes, when normal people talk, we didn't really utter the
words clearly and don't say it one by one like we are reading a script right? 😅
When two people talking, they talk
naturally with natural gesture as well. That is what Sun Jae and Hye Won did in this drama.
When they hold each other, it looks soo casual and looks like they are not acting at all.
Kim Hae Ae is super skillful and proficient. An older woman dating a younger man
consider as a taboo in Korean society or even worldwide culture, but u can't even dislike her.
I buffered at first.
Am I truly gonna watch 16 episodes of drama where a woman pulled a character of
40's dating a 20 years old boy? Like for real?
But the thing is, I have no freakinnn reason to dislike her.
Instead, I fall in love with her character even more!!!
I got hooked to see her more and more
she is definitely my girl crush.😍😍
She is indeed a goddess and they looks like a couple that is fated to be madly in love with each other
Their chemistry is already reaching another level and it is sooo mesmerizing.
I think, true powerful love is when both man and woman falling in love
simultaneously from the first sight.
That's what happens to Sun Jae and Hae Won. They both just clicked from the first meeting
but both of them hides the feelings at first for a greater cause.
Hiding or confessing doesn't matter here. What matter most is we
know they both already falling for each other at the very beginning. They both found charm in each
others' personality. That tells everything.
I love how both of them define 'home' in their perspective. Hae Won calling Sun Jae's house
as her home even the fact that her mansion is way bigger and fancier
than Sun Jae's house. But she mentioned that whenever he went to Sun Jae's small house,
she feels like staying longer as she never feel that way in her entire life.
It is 'being with Sun Jae' and 'calm feeling' in the house that what makes her think so.
Spoiler:
In the last episodes, Sun Jae also mention that Hae Won is his 'home' so that he had nowhere to go
because his 'home' is right in front of him . I found that is sooo beautiful and sincere.😢
In the last episode as well, Hae Won mentioned in front of everyone about Sun Jae who
devoted himself for her:
"It's not that he gave up his life for me and gave a romantic confession but what he did is he was
busying wiped his floor and tried to provide clean seat for me. But then I realized that I had never
receive such devotion from anyone in my life. That I had even considered my self as a mean of
success.. me who had abuse myself into misery...".
Then Sun Jae smiled pleasantly. That smile enough to show that he was never wrong loving a
woman in front of her eyes.
And my heart, breaks as her voice breaks! 😭
What a poignant line ever!
Then, the drama coming to the end elegantly.
I honestly felt a little bit shocked and experienced instant emptiness once I finished this kdrama 😅
Yoo Ah In once responded regarding the ending of Secret Love Affair during an interview
and I was nodded in silent.
Word...😢
It might be a satisfying and it might also be unsatisfying kind of ending.
You decide.
But one things I would say is,
it was indeed sooooo beautiful and the journey of the plot is captivating.
A drama that tell us
how a true love looks like
It's beyond word and act
It's about heart, gesture, maturity, devotion, sense of belonging, etc.
Much love for Kim He Ae and Yoo Ah In for bringing Oh Hye Won and Lee Sun Jae alive. 💓
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